Separation - Single working mums, how is it possible?

[always2323]

Considering separation from my long term partner. Together 14 years, not married. 19 year age gap, he is older, 2 kids, he earns 50k, owns everything, the house, car, everything. I worked in a school as a TA then decided train as a teacher (while working) as 1. I love teaching and 2. I always knew I needed my own income/job security. I am M4 on the pay scale 38K now and live in the midlands. Can I live on this? As a single mum? Could I cope with my job, kids and being totally independent?
Feel like I've been had! Because my income has ALWAYS been used to pay for shopping, holidays abroad, clothes, car insurance, and basically everything that doesn't inclusive an investment, all day to day living so I have no claim on anything!. Now I am earning obviously more than what I was 4 year ago when I was a TA. Could I do it alone?

Sorry you're in this predicament. It's why people always say to get married before you have children. Do you have any family nearby who can support you? You can do it on your own, it might just take some adjustment.

There are emotional reasons why someone is unwilling to share assets in the future, but yes, given how long you've been together and the fact you share children, it sounds like either you were had, or you just made poor financial decisions.

You need proper financial advice.

Regarding cost of living, it just depends on where you live really. 38k might be enough actually, but it would have to be full time.

I think you should ask Mumsnet to retitle this thread as -

38k - enough for a single parents of 2 to live on?

Otherwise, your responses are going to be far too varied. There seems to me quite a large income bracket on Mumsnet. Some of them come from middle class backgrounds and have no experience of what life is like in a household that's on less than 100k collectively.

Depends on your mortgage

38k will be fine to live on providing you don't go overboard on housing costs. You probably won't go on regular holidays but city breaks and Premier Inns will be affordable. You'll be able to run a car but I wouldn't want an £££ on finance.

You've been screwed over with the house etc, but just chalk it up to a poor deal and start again.

Well I earn £13,000 but it’s all relative isn’t it. How much will housing cost etc. I don’t have a mortgage so my wage is for bills & food only so have a lot left. What is your plan for housing? This is the biggest expense.

I live in the midlands, not in a big city so the cost of living would come under "rest of the UK" if that makes sense.

I was raised in a family who had nothing so I would never try to live beyond my means, I have no debts, would happily live in a small house but I want my kids to have better than I had. Right now they do! There are many valid reasons why I am thinking about separation but I just don't want my kids to suffer and feel I've plunged them into hardship.

In order to know if you can survive financially you need to look at the how you will divide contact of the children, maintenance you are entitled to, what local rentals cost (are children same sex/age because they can share a room) & what household bills you'll have & what benefits you are entitled to, etc etc.

Get a spreadsheet going.