How to reconnect with partner after baby?

[Jaggy1]

Firstly we are both just over the moon with our little boy and he was a very much wanted if not exactly planned baby. He is 7 weeks old and I know there’s an adjustment period but I just feel a bit off this week.

He is a great dad when he can be, I’m ebf so granted there isn’t much he can do as we have a very hungry baby and 9/10 times he does just want me, but he will take him whenever he is settled and gives him his bottle at bedtime sometimes. I’m just kinda resenting him a little though. We are all loaded with the cold this week, his had just come on today after me and baby have been struggling all week and obviously his is much worse and he can’t do anything but fall asleep on couch and winge. I know he works so he is tired but this week especially he has been coming in from work so tired and falling asleep and just not doing anything to help, then offering later when he’s so clearly still sleepy and not meaning it. He’s also now complaining of sore back and every time I ask him to take baby it’s a grunt and groan, I just can’t help feeling like don’t you think I’ve struggled with the cold? Don’t you think my back hurts holding him all day? Don’t you think I’m tired? He does help but it’s just like he moans so much about these things I don’t even wanna ask him, or I can’t relax as he’s so tired I don’t trust him.

I just don’t bring it up cos I don’t know how and I just want to stop thinking these things and get back to where I just adore him. He does everything else around the house he waits on me hand and foot practically and really doesn’t moan about that ever. Even before this week I would still roll over to cuddle in once I’d got baby to sleep but this week I look at him sleeping and just feel like I hate him 🤣 not properly but I’m just so frustrated!
we have a family wedding next week and I just want to be our usual happy selves, how do I stop myself having such resentful thoughts and cheer up and actually appreciate what he does do for me 🤦🏽‍♀️

Tell him. Shouldn't have to but anyway do.

I felt the same at the beginning. I hated asking DH to help with this or that as he should just know and do it, but they dont. esp with a first child. but then i figured out a hack. i'd pick two jobs needing doing (say making up a bottle and changing a nappy) and i'd say 'do you want to change DCs nappy or make a bottle', and DH would always choose (often the easiest option - but at least he took some of the load off me).

This is great I'm going to use it.

Other than that I was going to say that same. Only were two DCs in and it's always been like this. I just learnt to get on with it. I know it's shitty but I rather that than constantly bickering. Because that's where the resentment really kicks in, when you bicker about the same thing over and over and 1. nothing changes and 2. the response from him is to be irritated at you because 'you're nagging' as opposed to an apology and an arm round you.

He does everything else around the house he waits on me hand and foot practically and really doesn’t moan about that ever.

So are you saying he does all the housework, laundry, cooking etc? and waits on you hand and foot as well as working full time?

7 weeks in with DC no.2 is intense. i've been there and it was probably the worst ive felt physically and emotionally in my adult life. it does get better. i hope the hack works for you. goodluck and go easy on him, and yourself

So it’s more like he’ll do his share of things where I’ve had a bad day. I generally can get washings done and can tidy up during the day he doesn’t need to do much but we call it the ‘night time things’ he always does, like get my water and get babies bottle organised and do any dishes before bed. It’s not like I do nothing it’s just more I wanna say that he actually is really helpful and I don’t want to resent him for the few things that are annoying me with if you get me.
The general point wasn’t a moan about him more like how do I get past my shitty feelings and be nicer 🤣