I think my relationship is over …

[NeatSwan]

Just a brief background I have a 8 month old baby boy.
Just gone back to work. (everyday i wish i was at home with my baby im regretting going back so much!)
my relationship with my partner has been so up and down for so long now been together for 5 years nearly…
(I know some of you will be thinking why did you have a baby with him then) yes i know…. lately i feel soo beyond down unless im with my baby just us or with my older sons who are 12 & 19. (They’re not his)
i feel like the spark has completely gone between me and my partner, no intamacy, no fun, there’s no one to have the baby so he’s with us always.
he goes to nursery when I’m at work.

and more recently I feel like my partner is constantly having little digs at me here and there I might be being petty, I do everything unless I make a demand, bath baby, cook dinner, feed baby, housework etc no real help we argue all the time …

so I’ve basically said it’s done I’ve said it’s toxic and I can’t just allow my kids to see this as a role model relationship I’m not happy and I don’t understand how he is too.
(We have been here before a couple of times and he says it’ll change and it doesn’t so I am done now)
so now I don’t wanna be at work because I’m so stressed I’m considering leaving and just focussing on my children for a bit until my baby is off to school.
but will I get help with benefits (I know not morally correct) if I leave my job?

please don’t judge just need and break and to press the reset button become a happy mummy again.

I can’t comment on the benefits as it’s not my area of expertise, but if he doesn’t help then he needs a stern talking to, or you just need to leave. He’ll drag you down.

no bad thing

Could you have PPD.

I’m just making excuses for him not doing it and his response is he has a great mum that does it …

Already been taking medication from day dot as had it with my other 2

This comment I’m unsure what it means?

Are all the dc his? Or just the baby?

So you want to go on benefits to be a sahm. But why can’t you be a sahm for a while whilst partner works? Do the sums not add up?

for your “relationship” shit show to be over
obviously
especially for the poor children swept up in all the mess

neither you nor your partner remotely come off in a good light

Absolutely leave him if the relationship is not working. No judgment there. But don't leave your job. Living on benefits with 3 kids even if one is older is a crap life and the longer you're out of work the harder it will be to get back. Work part time at least, you'll need it.

No the two eldest are mine baby his.

no he doesn’t live with me just stays here a lot of the time I’ve never really been able to rely on him financially and to stay in a job so for my security and my kids I’ve left it like that

Wow ok

He doesn’t live with his partner of 5 years with whom he’s just had a baby with?

Presumably at least that financially beneficial from your perspective in terms of in the eyes of DWP you are a single parent and so entitled to more benefits living alone

silver lining i suppose

oh come on

read your op

you think this sounds like a remotely happy childhood for your three children?

I am guessing your older two don’t get on with him. So at least they’re not forced to share their home with him permanently. Although no doubt a fair amount of time

so where does your partner live?

I would check - you might not be entitled to anything for a while if you give up your job voluntarily.

You're only just back at work, I would give it more time to get used to it.

Life on benefits isn't easy and then getting back into work later on can be difficult.

Better to ask if you can go part time. Back that up with medical evidence (the medication) and I think you should be able to claim benefits. But life on benefits isn’t easy as pp says.

sorry things are shit OP, you don’t come off badly at all, you’re literally looking at changing things because you know it doesn’t work

have a look at your options regarding what you’re entitled to and work things out from there, there’s plenty of online calculators. It’s up to you wether the downside of being on benefits outweighs the downside of working whilst your baby is still young, it’s entirely your choice

try to ignore the lectures, you know your situation better than anyone. If you’re doing it all on your own anyway it won’t be a huge shock to the system. Good luck xx

I think OP you would feel better if you finish your relationship with partner and you go to co-parenting. Then his wonderful mother can do things for him full time.

He can then just come to your door to collect baby for his time to parent.

I would change that first before your job. See how you feel without him in your living space for a month.