Struggling with favouritism

[Puddinggulper]

I'm really struggling with DM's favouritism of DSis at the moment.

It doesn't seem to matter what I do or how hard I try to make DM proud, DSis will always be better despite - not to brag but I have objectively achieved far more in life. If DSis recommends something for example, then it's absolutely the best of the best in DM's eyes and her talking point for the week. If I recommend something it's instantly dismissed. Basically anything DSis touches turns to gold. It even goes so far as my in laws just as an example. If I bring up my nieces and nephews in conversation, DM will change the subject but go so far as to go around showing pictures of DSis's nieces and nephews. DM has never met either of these in laws and my in laws are lovely. I could get 8 different compliments on an outfit at work yet DM will say she doesn't like it. Any time I see DM and DSis together DM compliments something she's wearing no matter how simple it might be. I honestly think I could win a Nobel prize and DM would barely raise an eyebrow whilst gushing over something simple such as where DSis last ate at a restaurant. DSis doesn't seem to actively encourage any of this by the way.

If I brought it up with her I would be told I am over sensitive or that it's all in my head and DF would back her up as that's what's happened with past experience of ever broaching anything with DPs.

Does anyone else have a similar family set up and how do they deal with it? It's really affecting my mental health lately.

You could write her a letter, seeing as she's incapable of really hearing you. Address it to DF as well.

Or just don't bother with her until she notices how bloody marvelous you actually are.

I just want to give you a big hug. This is a problem in your mother, not in you. She is incapable of gratifying her ego through complimenting or even sincerely attending to you. Its a really sick situation. And very unfair to you.

I empathise OP. This is exactly how my MIL treats my 'golden balls' BIL and DH. Although BIL revels in it, so at least your Dsis doesn't encourage it! Could you speak to her and see if she'd speak to your parents about it together?

You could try talking to her with your DSis but I honestly think you will be wasting your time. Your DM does know what she is doing and doesn't care or wish to change. Your DF is her enabler and is probably keeping the peace for his own benefit. The only thing you can change is how you react and how you frame things in your mind.

She is never going to say she is proud of you, no matter what you do. Please try to stop caring that she does and don't let it bother you (easier said than done, I know). If others compliment you and know they are genuine, then enjoy that instead. Work on your self esteem so when you know you look nice or have achieved something, you don't need reassurance from others as you are comfortable in your own skin. She isn't going to change and be the person you want her to be sadly, so it may help to go low contact with her and limit the damage she does.

Thank you so much for your kind words everyone that has posted. DH also thinks I need to care less about what people think but it's difficult when it's your own DM. I will try and work on not caring. I'm just starting to find it SO difficult to not snap and go on a massive rant and cause a huge falling out every time she makes one of these annoying comments! Christmas could be interesting!