Does he have ASD because what you are describing sounds to me exactly like Cassandra Syndrome which many women married to men with ASD end up with.
The lack of reciprocated emotional empathy and interaction absolutely destroys you. This is despite the fact that they are not intentionally withholding it from you - they don’t give it because they quite simply, don’t have the ability to do so and also do not have the ability to recognise that it is a fundamental need for other people. You can explain to them again and again, but they just don’t have the capacity to comprehend how absolutely essential those emotional interactions are to our well being and mental health. The concept is so alien to them that they will spend their time explaining to you that you are wrong for needing the interactions and they genuinely seem to believe that we are the ones being unreasonable because they are wired so differently to us.
You feel like you are going mad, and all along he calmly watches you with a blank face as you act in more and more extreme ways, because you are so desperate for some tiny bit of emotional interaction from him, that you will do almost anything to get it.
It becomes almost a form of madness and outsiders looking in think there is something wrong with you and that you are being insane and unreasonable but they are not in it with you and they haven’t lived the death of a thousand cuts with you each and every time you did not get the emotional response and feedback that any human being craves and needs in order to function, so they do not have any idea at all of the place of incredible pain that you are acting from.
Please do read up on it and see if you think it fits your situation and if it does, then you will see that you are not going mad and that many, many women end up in this same situation.
I am sorry, there isn’t a solution or a fix for it.
However, being able to recognise what is actually going on does at least allow you to see that your reaction and behaviour is perfectly normal considering the situation you are in and have been in for a long time.
Few counsellors or marriage guidance people are aware or understanding of it. Unfortunately marriage counselling with someone who doesn’t know about Cassandra Syndrome and doesn’t take it into account, is not helpful and is often in fact destructive to the non-ASD partner. Everything they say and all the exercises etc do not work in this dynamic and just leave you feeling more and more of a failure and like you are the cause of all the problem.
Many women have tried it and unfortunately failed. Marriage counselling will only work if you have it with a counsellor who understands the specific dynamics of this type of relationship and understands Cassandra syndrome and the damage that it has caused to your emotional and metal health over the years.
There is support out there in the form of online support groups (Facebook etc) from other women in the same situation. It helps to know you are not alone and to see that we all struggle and have the same reaction to being put into this situation. It doesn’t fix the issues but it does help, hugely, to understand what is going on and give you perspective on the situation and helps you decide if you want to carry on with the relationship anymore.
Your pain is so clear from your post, I want you to know that I do understand how you feel, I’ve been there and it has nearly destroyed me too. Reading about it and finding out about it and the support from other women is the only thing that has kept me going. You are not alone, you are not going mad, please know that.