What was this?

[FridayWorries]

Hello, I’ve name changed. I’m a 40-something mum, divorced.

Hadn’t seen my DP for a few weeks (we live in different places). He knew I’d had a rough few weeks and was coming over to look after me, all very promising.

Over the past days, by text, interlaced with these ideas about looking after me, have been lots of sexual innuendo. He made it very clear he really wanted to do it. It got the tone completely wrong but I let it go.

Then, when he did come over yesterday he was really gagging for it, and did lots of sex things I think were very rough given the context: pushing my head down during oral sex and being quite dominant during intercourse, ‘do this, show me this’ rather than focusing on my pleasure, wanting to do all the positions all round the house. I was quite surprised and didn’t say anything about it afterwards, though throughout the sex I was saying ‘be more gentle’ etc.

It’s not his usual style really, he’s often considerate and shy. I feel really upset that he ignored what I needed and behaved like that. Does anyone have a way to make sense of it? Why would a man suddenly act like this? I am often quite into sex but it was obvious I was feeling sensitive and needed something softer.

Thanks everyone. It really comforted me that you understood.

Hope you are ok. There was a terrible thread here as few months ago where the partner initiated rough sex that wasn’t consented for and resulted in bites and bruises over the poor op. He was so rough with her that her breast implants got turned. Though thankfully you must be ok physically mentally it is a huge shock that someone you love and trust enough to be at your home when you are vulnerable would do this to you.
Has he been in touch since or referenced that night?

He’s sent one normal message, and not referenced it, no.

When I was younger and a man would suddenly switch up sex I used to wonder if they had been with someone else and picked up new ideas but it’s probably because he hasn’t seen you for a few weeks. I imagine he’s been watching a lot of porn.

Yes I agree @LaLaLaurie usually you can detect the presence of someone else by how they switch it up (horrid in itself). I did wonder that. I think he’d just tell me though, he’s really not the type. It was more a switch that seemed related to some of his inner feelings, iyswim. Why doesn’t he know that you can’t just force someone’s head in a bj? Anyway, I have been in my own world today and much happier.