Page 2 | Husband says no to sex all the time

Camsi · 2024-11-08T09:55:27+00:00

Hi guys! I have been struggling to get my husband to be intimate with me. It always turns into a fight when I try to initiate. He gets nervous and changes subject. For the past three days I have been moody around him, yesterday (while still in the mood) I stepped back and asked him to give work a break (he has been working extra from home for the past 5 months), and insinuate I wanted to have sex. He asked me “what do you want? U want to have sex?” I said yes, and then he said “I don’t wanna have sex bc I am stressed with work and u have been in a terrible mood the past three days”. I got very mad and felt rejected one more time. Was he right? I always used to think men would always be up for sex doesn’t matter what. I just can’t see if I am exaggerating in order of our prior problems or if this is some exception and he is right. Thank you guys!

LoveLifeBeHappy · 02/07/2025 10:52

Lifeisarealchallenge · 08/11/2024 11:04

All of this.
Plus :
do you think there could be another woman in the picture?
Do you think he might have an STI ?

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ffs 😂

Reidwood · 02/07/2025 10:59

@LoveLifeBeHappy unfortunately he s lost his libido! In my case I’d drop work for sex anytime but my libido is on high !👍🏿

LoveLifeBeHappy · 02/07/2025 11:03

Reidwood · 02/07/2025 10:59

@LoveLifeBeHappy unfortunately he s lost his libido! In my case I’d drop work for sex anytime but my libido is on high !👍🏿

Hmm, I'm not sure what a good workaround is...

Would he be interested in foreplay, or try to participate with toys, etc?

MightyGoldBear · 02/07/2025 11:33

I counsel porn and sex addicts. If it was a issue before and he didn't seek any help then it's still a issue now.

You need to prioritise yourself. Currently this relationship isn't and actually can't work in a healthy way. He needs to seek support and therapy. If you broke up and he didn't then that suggest he doesn't think he has an issue and that the relationship isn't as important to him as keep his status quo. Unfortunately he doesn't are about your discomfort only his own.

MightyGoldBear · 02/07/2025 11:39

Here's some resources for you op. So sorry you're going through this. Its really difficult and can be so confusing.

Love after porn on reddit - wonderful supportive community and great library of resources
Helping couples heal podcast
Pbse podcast
Omar minwhalla secret secual basement
Pam blizzard
Jake porter
Nake truth program. Cat etherington is a wonderful therapist for the betrayed as is Chris jones for addicts.
Navigating betrayal on facebook

Christl78 · 02/07/2025 12:28

Camsi · 08/11/2024 13:57

Hi! Thanks for your help!

I am 28yo and he is 36yo.

We have been together for 4 years.

For the past three months I have tried to initiate three times and got rejected. In addition he only wants to have sex once a month. Whenever we try more times in that month, he won’t get hard.

We have no kids and he has taken an extra job for the past six months, so he is working from 9am to 9pm. But things are the same when he is not working extra.

I feel that a while ago he wouldn’t say no to me, he would try even if he didn’t want and that’s when he wouldn’t get hard enough. It is so frustrating. He is always tired. He works in a office, I wonder how can it be possible when he has energy for anything else like playing golf, tennis, etc…

I handle very bad when I get rejected. I am not proud but I can’t control myself, we argue and I yell at him sometimes as well, bc I start thinking he is hiding something from me.

Over a year ago we broke up bc he was choosing porn over me (without me knowing), and for that fact we spent 6 months without having sex. I got back with him on the condition that he would stop watching porn and taking nicotine. It’s been a year has stopped nicotine (I know that bc he used to do it all the time even before go to bed), and with porn (as far as I know, since his browse history is always neat from now on).

I just think I overreact sometimes bc I am traumatized.

You are 28, no kids, leave now! Please. Life is short and he is too young for ED or not wanting sex.

Jaynexxx · 11/08/2025 10:28

Fargo79 · 08/11/2024 12:02

If my husband was an arsehole to me for 3 days, then asked me to have sex with him, then threw a temper tantrum when I (obviously) didn't want to, he'd be out the door. Ridiculous, childish and manipulative behaviour.

None of you are getting the point. She was moody and down because he kept rejecting her which is fair enough. Yeah he might have been stressed with work at the time but it sounds like this had gone on a long time with him constantly rejecting her. She’s allowed to feel the way she feels

Jaynexxx · 11/08/2025 10:32

Camsi · 08/11/2024 13:57

Hi! Thanks for your help!

I am 28yo and he is 36yo.

We have been together for 4 years.

For the past three months I have tried to initiate three times and got rejected. In addition he only wants to have sex once a month. Whenever we try more times in that month, he won’t get hard.

We have no kids and he has taken an extra job for the past six months, so he is working from 9am to 9pm. But things are the same when he is not working extra.

I feel that a while ago he wouldn’t say no to me, he would try even if he didn’t want and that’s when he wouldn’t get hard enough. It is so frustrating. He is always tired. He works in a office, I wonder how can it be possible when he has energy for anything else like playing golf, tennis, etc…

I handle very bad when I get rejected. I am not proud but I can’t control myself, we argue and I yell at him sometimes as well, bc I start thinking he is hiding something from me.

Over a year ago we broke up bc he was choosing porn over me (without me knowing), and for that fact we spent 6 months without having sex. I got back with him on the condition that he would stop watching porn and taking nicotine. It’s been a year has stopped nicotine (I know that bc he used to do it all the time even before go to bed), and with porn (as far as I know, since his browse history is always neat from now on).

I just think I overreact sometimes bc I am traumatized.

Can I ask why he’s working such long hours ? With no kids, why is he needing to work such long days? Is that many hours even legal?

Also, if he was watching a lot of porn previously, I can pretty much guarantee he’ll still be watching a lot of porn which is why he doesn’t want intimacy or sex with you.

I feel for you and I’m in the same boat with my partner so know exactly how awful it is

Mt563 · 11/08/2025 10:39

Christl78 · 02/07/2025 12:28

You are 28, no kids, leave now! Please. Life is short and he is too young for ED or not wanting sex.

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He's not too young for ED but regardless, you don't sound like a good match so leave him.

AgentJohnson · 11/08/2025 10:58

I handle very bad when I get rejected. I am not proud but I can’t control myself.

Yes you can, you choose not to.

It sounds like a vicious circle with ED, porn use and a partner who acts like a child when rejected. Unless you and your partner can sit down and talk about your problems like adults, I really don’t see this improving.

I suspect the ED and work stress, porn use and immature partner are not unrelated.

jay55 · 11/08/2025 11:10

You need to accept you’re not compatible, and move on.

NOHotel · 11/08/2025 11:13

I wouldn’t be staying with someone who never wanted sex.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 11/08/2025 16:13

AgentJohnson · 11/08/2025 10:58

I handle very bad when I get rejected. I am not proud but I can’t control myself.

Yes you can, you choose not to.

It sounds like a vicious circle with ED, porn use and a partner who acts like a child when rejected. Unless you and your partner can sit down and talk about your problems like adults, I really don’t see this improving.

I suspect the ED and work stress, porn use and immature partner are not unrelated.

Apologies if I missed it, but did OP confirm that her partner is watching porn a lot?

Fargo79 · 12/08/2025 23:30

Jaynexxx · 11/08/2025 10:28

None of you are getting the point. She was moody and down because he kept rejecting her which is fair enough. Yeah he might have been stressed with work at the time but it sounds like this had gone on a long time with him constantly rejecting her. She’s allowed to feel the way she feels

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This is a bit of a zombie thread 😅

She didn't say anything about being rejected long term in her OP. That update came after my comment.

Nonetheless it changes nothing. They clearly aren't compatible. He doesn't want to have sex with her because he'd rather watch porn, which is hardly a recipe for a happy relationship. And being moody and shouting at someone because they won't have sex with you is abusive and creepy as fuck. They just need to find partners they are compatible with because this obviously isn't making anyone happy.