Abusive partner and we share a child

[scaredmum128]

Hi I have an almost 3 year old and her dad is abusive. We had social services involved for the first 6 months of her life and he tricked and fooled them into thinking he would change etc.

we don’t live together properly we go through times of rarely seeing each other.

He had us staying the other week and I told him I wanted to go home to my own place which he kicked off about and we didn’t talk for 8 days. Bliss.

yesterday I told him I wanted to come home and he flipped threatening to kill me threatninf to strangle me threatening to call the police on me because in the past I’ve gone mad at him on messages. He also said he’d win and I’d loose.

he had our daughter at the time so he said all this as calm as he would but still. I ignored them all day and only listened to them when I’d got my daughter and got home.

I have since ignored him and everything in between but I’m so scared of him following through with any of his threats I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that social services will come and take my child as it’s the second involvement.

Im waiting to be evicted and that’s what I wanted to do I wanted to be evicted to go temporary housing and he not have a clue where I am or anything but I’m still waiting.

I don’t know the point of this I just know I need to leave

You need to log every single incident with the police, every time. You MUST protect your daughter at all costs, have you spoken to women’s aids?

@AperolWhore I was on hold last night for a good 2 hours to women’s aid and never got through I will try again today.

I of course am protecting her but the one thing stopping me from the police is wouldn’t they just inform social social get back involved and then they’ll take my child cause I’ve already had involvement same man and child. I mean absolutely if I was or we was in immediate danger I would call them there and then but I’m just scared of loosing her to care

They will NOT take your child if you're trying to leave and get safe. They will help you. Why would they take her if you're trying to keep her safe? They won't take her as punishment for not leaving sooner! Please call the police and report the threats and take the help of social services.

They won't take her away if you start doing the right things to keep her safe.

If he managed to fool the SS that contact was OK and safe, then I don't understand what you're worried about?

So sorry you are going through this. Has he messaged any of the threats to you? Even if he hasn't I would inform the police, start the process of a non molestation order with NCDV and contact the local domestic abuse service. They will be able to support you with a refuge place. Social services are there to support you and ensure your child and you are safe.
Waiting to be evicted is not a good idea. It could make it difficult to be housed in the future. Hope things get better

You need to ring the police and report him for yesterday’s threats to strangle you and say he’s harassing you. Do not leave it any longer to do so. You have to report every single incident and stay well away from him - block and delete his number and have no contact whatsoever. The police and social services need to see that you’re trying to keep your dd safe.

@TheSilkWorm would they not even with previous involvement for practically the same thing?

I work at a nursery and brought her with me today to keep us safe.

No. They couldn't legally even if they wanted to (which they won't)
if you are asking for help to leave and keep her safe they have no legal standing to remove her. And as I say, they don't want to.

You would not have your child taken from you. Stop going back to this man and keep trying woman's aid.

@Tangelablue

hi they are voice notes and I’ve got lots of them some I’ve not even had the courage to listen to prior to last nights ones but last night I knew I needed to hear what he was saying to me.

At the time he sent them he had our daughter in his care and I was at work so he was talking as if he’s saying nothing wrong but saying he’ll punch me off my balcony and then at the end saying he’ll strangle me etc.

i ignored him last night and didn’t say a word and then this morning he blew up my phone because he wanted our daughter again as he is off work. I arranged to take her to work with me instead of where she usually goes and I wrote him a message explaining that I’m tired of him controlling me in everything including using our child to do that. I explained I understood he was using fear and manipulation to keep me trapped and I explained that I do not want anything anymore to do with him and reminded him he has said he don’t love me and don’t want me but as soon as I match rhe energy and say the same he becomes irate. I ended the relationship weeks ago now and that’s the way it stays.

we don’t live together anyways we did while I was pregnant and then I moved to my mums until my daughter was 6 months old and then into my own place. He used to want us to stay a lot though and I never wanted to but he knew I couldn’t stand up for what I wanted because I’d fear him kicking off so he knew he could make me stay with him. I used to have to pack my stuff and move while he was at work just to be able to go on my own terms.

I got the whole “ your taking her away from me” thing when in actual fact I just want my own space and to keep us safe from him.