AIBU over Christmas and wanting to take DD away?

[Dadjoke007]

Split from ex last year. Last Xmas was tough as I am a huge Xmas fan but being a broken family really hit me hard and has taken a real shine off. Not yet listened to my xmas playlists and I normally do by the start of Oct!!

Last year I had Xmas eve afternoon till 4pm Xmas Day and then back with me 4pm Boxing - we agreed at the time to reverse this year.

Family live abroad and they are off to USA for Xmas but I didnt even raise the subject as I knew it would be a no.

I wanted to go away with my DD (14) and my gf and her daughter for a week over Xmas itself. I said that would she be happy to have son for that week and I have daughter - so instead of 100% of kids 50% of time it was 50% of kids 100% of time. DD gets to go on a weeks cruise which she would have liked. No discussion, just a big fat no. Just a big rant about how would I feel if she suggested it, wants to see her mum who lives 5 miles away!

I also suggested that I may want to go to see family next Xmas, can I take kids (its a 4.5hr flight), she said maybe but only for a few days, not a week or more. Yet I had said if that was the case she could have them Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, Boxing this year in exchange.

Feeling really angry as it's just hurting them - as it is I may just go away without them which then bugs me as she gets all of Xmas as a 'free hit'. So at the moment I am in a f**k you mood if she ever asks me for anything again.

I know DD would love to come but not if she thinks it would upset mum.

I’m a bit confused, do you have two children and you were suggesting you’d take your daughter on holiday over Christmas, leaving your son with their mum? Doesn’t seem very fair, how would your son feel about that?

Compromising over Christmas week is just one of the facts about coparenting I’m afraid. Visiting family is one thing but I think a holiday just because your new girlfriend is going is unreasonable - just do it another week?

So basically you got the best bit of Christmas last year and now you want the best bit this year aswell? But only with your favourite child?

YAB completely U

Explain how many kids there are apart from the 14 year old daughter, and who wants to see their mother who lives 5 miles away? Are you saying you want to take one child away and leave one child over Christmas with their other parent? Isn’t the other child going to be upset?

Is this a reverse?

I don’t understand? Do you want to take one of your children away and not the other?

And despite your sadness about the split you have a girlfriend, and want to cheer yourself up by going away with her and one of her children?

He is soon to be 17 - we had a chat and he is not fussed on a cruise/beach holiday. He would rather have cash to go with his mates or put towards a car so his choice. Had he said he wanted to come then it's a no brainer. Plus, we have done a few trips to Europe for footie just us two.

Why can’t you go on all these holidays any other time of the year? So you aren’t taking your children away from their mum?

Have you thought how their mum might feel not seeing them on one of the most important family days of the year so you can take them off on a trip?

v selfish!!

Its more about the fact its a lot more money another time, and also fitting in with work schedules (like a teacher cant take any week off).

I also don’t believe that your holiday is way cheaper at Christmas than any other time. Surely that’s one of the most expensive times to fly/travel? How far away are you planning to take them to go for a beach holiday in December?

I think your son doesn’t want to go because he’s old enough to know it’s not fair to his mum and would upset her. He’s not going to fall for a bribe.

It is not just the holiday - I also asked (not as well as this year, separate thing) about taking them away next year to see my parents, sister and cousins (who they see at most once a year) and in exchange she has whole of Xmas this year. So I miss out this year and gain next, not ideal for any of us but the only solution. Am not wanting my cake and eating it - happy to let her have them this year to allow them to see family next year.

Thanks but I do know my son! He has no interest in that sort of holiday - a city break, yes, would jump at it.

It's a cruise and yes, 750 pp cheaper to go then than after Xmas (which is also impacted by returning to work).

To be honest, they’re both old enough to choose what they’d like to do.

I thought at 16 they were (he is, she isn't). But it would work the same the other way - if it was her idea to go away and they knew I was against it they would not go away as not to upset me.

So at the moment I am in a fk you mood if she ever asks me for anything again.

Well aren’t you a little ray of sunshine?

Why don’t you both ask the children what they’d prefer instead of the “I have them Christmas Eve afternoon until 4pm Christmas Day” nonsense, they’re old enough to decide what they want to do. Children aren’t a bargaining tool for parents for goodness sake. Poor kids. Just a word of advice, drop the bitterness you’re clearly displaying for your ex.

But you are still asking to take them away for christmas (out the country).

You are giving her two options:

1. only spend Christmas with her son and not her teen daughter (for the full week)
2. she can have this Christmas but then you take both kids on a long Holiday next Christmas to the US.

Youve not even been split up long, she’s not going to want to agree to spending Christmas without her kids. You need to share and compromise - you both stay local and you work around a schedule around the key days. You had them for actual Christmas Day last year and half of Christmas Eve & Boxing Day.

So this year it’s her turn to have Christmas Day anyway. You’ll get one of the other two days probably.

You only split from your wife last year, so presumably you’ve been with this girlfriend a matter of months (unless this was an affair).

Im not sure taking the kids away with this other woman and her daughter already is the right thing anyway. Surely you should be taking it slow and only just at the introduction stage?

Why don’t you go on the cruise if it’s so important and see the kids when you get back? It sucks for them to not see their dad at Christmas especially as it’s the second one post break up but it’s less unfair than your other ideas…

So you've only been split since last year and you think your ex is being unreasonable because she won’t agree to you swanning off over Christmas playing happy families with your new gf and her DC while leaving your son at home and you ex spending the whole Christmas period without seeing her daughter?

Of course you’re being absolutely fucking unreasonable.

So you got Xmas eve evening and Christmas day day last year and promised to switch it for this year. Now you are trying to backtrack on that agreement and are getting arsey because your ex isn't being bullied by you. You're being selfish.