Age gaps in gay relationships

[rosesaredeadvioletsaretoo]

DN is 19 and has a new partner who is 35. They seem very happy and well matched (you don’t really notice the age gap when they’re together) but DSis is a little concerned that the age gap might be inappropriate. A lot of the people I know in gay relationships have some kind of age gap - actually, this one isn’t even that big in comparison to some of my friends relationships. I’ve also been in a same-sex relationships with a similar age gap in the past. DSis likes the partner but still feels concerned.

I thought I’d post on MN to get some ideas what other people think. In your experience, are bigger age gaps more common in gay relationships? Do you think this age gap is inappropriate? (DSis wouldn’t say anything either way and is very supportive of DN, but is just seeking a little reassurance I suppose!)

It's weird. Not the same sex aspect, the 35 fully year old grown adult being interested in someone so young.

I would be worried about my DC too

I don't know the numbers but yeah my not very knowledgeable impression is that relationships between men have more age gaps than lesbian or straight relationships. A very dear friend who got off with a 19 year old girl at a party when aged about 30 was horrified at herself the morning after. I'd be unimpressed with this for my ds. If ds really seemed happy I'd do my best to button my lip but I'd keep a fairly beady eye on any sign ds was changing his priorities or giving up normal youth.

Gay people don't do anything different to anyone else, they're just human beings. Some might have age gap relationships, others may not.

I would not want my DD to have a relationship with a 15 year age gap, at 19. I would question a 35 year old who was attracted to teenagers.

As you're asking for opinions - does it matter? They are adults. Don't interfere!

It does seem to be quite common. Off the top of my head:
Stephen Fry (aged 57 when he married his 27-year-old husband in 2015)
Tom Daley (aged 22 when he married 42-year-old Dustin Lance Black in 2017)
Phillip Schofield (mid-50s when he began his affair with his unnamed male colleague who was 20 years old at the time)

I always feel a bit uneasy when I read about these relationships where one partner (usually the one with much more power and wealth) is a generation older than the other. I feel the same way whether it's a homosexual or heterosexual relationship, including those (rare) ones in which the woman is much older than her husband. It's hard to see what the two spouses have in common, and there seems to be a lot of potential for coercion and abuse.