Is husband putting me down for having depression?

[Mommabear12660]

I rarely open up to my husband about my mental health struggles since having our 2nd baby. She is now almost 4. This is what he asks EVERY-TIME I am brave enough to share my struggles.

1. He asks if I’m still on medication. (Which YES I unashamedly am.)
2. He says postpartum depression is only suppose to last 2-3 years. But it has an undertone like he’s shaming me?
3. He said “I wonder when you’ll accept that you are fine. I wonder if the meds are placebo.”
4. He tell me I need to pray more (or something along those lines).

I’ve explained to him multiple times that I don’t understand why I’m not better off meds. And yes I’ve prayed so much. I don’t think it’s placebo because it took to start working. It’s discouraging to open up and be asked those question. I ask him to have more compassionate and he says “I am compassionate”. What in the world do I do to help this man understand I’m not choosing this? 😞

Is this a mainstream religion?

If so can you visit another church and talk to someone there. Your husband church seems very unhealthy for both of you.

Ugh.
If he showed up Jesus's last supper, recon even he'd be like 'oh fantastic...who invited this prat?'.

Nothing wrong with traditional lifestyle, provided he isn't a big child who needs to be constantly asked to do more even when he sees you struggling. You shouldn't have to 'nag' someone to do the bare minimum.

Too many men use wanting a traditional family as an excuse for the fact that they're emotionally stunted, lazy assholes who don't even know how to cook their own food.

Financial provision means sod all if they've the emotional range of a teaspoon and couldn't give a shit about your feelings.

You'd think a practicing Christian would have introspection and compassion for his wife.

As for "it's odd". Well it's not though. He behaves like a dick but claims to care. Anyone can say they care, if their actions don't match then - they don't care. The only reason you find his behaviour odd is because you think 'his behaviour doesn't match what I would expect from a loving husnand'. And you don't want to believe that he ISNT a loving husband.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

He sounds more worried about how it’s impacting him rather than how you are. Even if he doesn’t understand how could say i’ll support you and here for you x

Great post.

Surely compassion is a central tenent of Christianity? I am sorry he doesn't understand this.

Unfortunately, you have bought into a religion - or at least a brand of it - that tells women they have to be subservient to the head of the household and sublimate their needs to his.

Until you figure out that, if there really is a loving God, it's unlikely they would have come up with a model of such hideous inequality, nothing much is going to change for you.

And before people jump down my throat and tell me how much good religion does and how their church treats women as equals, we are obviously not talking about your friendly local village C of E here.

Maybe you need new meds too and maybe if you got a part time job that would get you meeting people.
Even if it was a meal supervisor or something in a school, that's only two hours a day and you get the holidays off.
It would get you out of the house more.

My depression and anxiety completely went once I was no longer married. I was medicated for around 20 years.

Your husband sounds very rigid and dogmatic (and not particularly Christian towards you). Does he accept that he's part of the problem?

Abusive people are not always abusive. Look up the cycle of abuse.

I think you should read these

https://ia600600.us.archive.org/31/items/hybridphilosophy-collection/The-Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-by-Debbie-Mirza.pdf

www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

@unsync what was your marriage like?

@Mommabear12660 Looking back, it was unbalanced from the start. There was a power imbalance and he was older. It was fine whilst I did what he wanted, but started to deteriorate when I began to question some things, expect him to contribute more within the household etc. I had a breakdown about three years in, and he then made sure I never really recovered.