Confused and need advice

[Datingandconfused]

I really need some advice. Background is I started dating again this year after a long time alone due to a messy divorce & a subsequent abusive relationship so I'm very wary.

Met a guy & got along really well. Had some lovely dates but nothing physical. Then I had a family bereavement & things went off the boil although we continued to message & he was very kind to me.

We have met up again in the last few weeks, had a few dates & I've been to his. I'm quite a touchy feely person & he's not. The other day I was busy & didn't reply to his message & I got ????? after a few hours.

I like him a lot. We have lots in common & when we're together we get along well & we laugh a lot. I just don't know if this is worth pursuing. I know I can be quite impatient but I've known him for 10 months & never had more than a kiss. I don't want to let go of something that could be good but my gut feeling is he's not going to meet my needs.

I'm in my 50s & feel this might be my last chance but at the same time I don't want to settle for something just for the sake of it. I'm so confused. All advice welcome...

Follow your gut. The ???? would be a red flag for me. He expects you to jump when he calls and that’s a very worrying trait. Just because you’re 50 doesn’t mean you still can’t meet someone. What is almost certain though is that, if you keep this guy around, you won’t be free to meet the right someone. I’d throw this one back.

Trust your gut. If he doesn’t meet your needs now, it won’t be any better 2,3,5 years down the line.
10 months is long enough for him to demonstrate he’s physically attracted to you.

Maybe he’s not demonstrative, and that’s just the way he is so you have to accept that and leave him that way.

But never settle for less than what you want, at whatever age. Trying to live with less than what you need will be worse than being alone and at peace.

Thanks. That's good advice. I know myself really but good to get an outside perspective.

Just be mindful of wanting perfection - perfect looks, humour, lifestyle, PDA, etc... I dont know any couples who have everything - they all compromise on something including couples that have been together 20 years + and would describe themselves as very happy.

There are a number of boxes that my gf doesn't tick compared to my ideal relationship but I just love her for who she is and not bothered about those. The good things massively outweigh the bits that I feel could be better.

Also, it's not 10m, you have been on/off in that time and maybe he is not getting the signals off you that he feels a kiss is the next thing to do. Just ask him, say you are attracted and want to take things further physically but not sure how he feels. He will either say great, or say that he sees it as friendship and thats it, so you then know.

I'm not looking for perfection. There's lots of things I'm willing to compromise on but ultimately I go with my gut & my feeling is he's probably not right for me. I think i need things hes not able to offer & i do think the ????? is a red flag especially when he doesnt always respond to my messages. I think im just an option for him when theres nothing else going on. I'd like to keep him as a friend though but not sure if that's even possible. Will have a proper chat with him at the weekend & see what happens...

Being in your 50s has nothing to do with finding someone you can tolerate! I still aim for the sky at 52!
I would let this one go. He's needy and you deserve touchy feely too.