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Relationships

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Advice needed please 🙏

7 replies

North44 · 07/11/2024 18:19

I have recently started seeing someone. We’ve been together 6 months.
He told me from the start he wanted to take things slowly which I understand and respect.
However 6 months down the line and we are still only seeing other once sometimes twice a week. Usually Saturday night at 9 and most of Sunday and occasionally a few hours in the week
We have spoken of the future and we want to live together, eventually marriage etc.
He has met my family we went back to my home country and had a fantastic time.
He introduced me to his 12 year old child and he’s met my 3 children on one occasion.
He has a very demanding job and shared custody of his child.
At this stage I would have hoped we would be seeing more of each other but maybe this is the norm . I have no idea I was with my ex for 22 years and have no other relationship experience.
He says he would like us to live together by next year.
I would like to hear people’s thoughts on this should I be expecting a bit more ?

OP posts:
JawsCushion · 07/11/2024 18:21

Next year is literally weeks away. That is a huge jump and completely fool hardy.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/11/2024 18:24

Do you think you want to split up with him if you are not satisfied with weekly dates ?

Are your children actually children i.e. under 18 - if so would you really move a man into your family unit just because he has suggested living together next year.

Will you be happy becoming a step mum to his 12 year old, I guess he does 50/50 if he has shared custody - how would that affect your children's lives ?

TTPDTS · 07/11/2024 18:29

I mean, together 6 months and you're spending your weekends together and have met each others kids? That actually seems way too fast for me 😂

I'm not sure how much more time he has to offer you when he has DC, a demanding job and you also have 3 DC (and I'm guessing work too!) - it seems like as you don't live together and are both pretty busy then you're doing well seeing each other weekly.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/11/2024 18:31

Please don't move in with a bloke you've only seen a few times, especially with kids in the mix, you hardly know him

Pinkbonbon · 07/11/2024 18:31

Don't move in with someone you've only known 6 months. Let alone when they have kids. You'll end up playing maid and mummy.

2 years minimum gefore even considering that shit. You don't know him at all at 6 months in. It's honeymoon phase the first year.

Twice a week seems fine to me. I wouldn't expect more than that with anybody i wasn't living with. Maybe the occasional 3rd visit tops.

I think you're rushing this unnecessarily.

Did you take time single after your marriage before dating this guy.

What's the rush?

LaLaLaurie · 07/11/2024 18:36

I’d be expecting more than a late Saturday night relationship. Do you ever go out or does he come over for the night and then leave the next morning/afternoon?

It sounds more like a regular hook up.

username7891 · 07/11/2024 19:04

However 6 months down the line and we are still only seeing other once sometimes twice a week. Usually Saturday night at 9 and most of Sunday and occasionally a few hours in the week

I'm assuming he's fitting your relationship around his child. What do you want? Do you want to join him when he's with his child?

We have spoken of the future and we want to live together, eventually marriage etc.

This contradicts agreeing to take things slowly. You're six months in and have discussed marriage.

He introduced me to his 12 year old child and he’s met my 3 children on one occasion.

Again, this isn't taking things slow.

He has a very demanding job and shared custody of his child.He's obviously very busy, which is why you see each other when you do.

At this stage I would have hoped we would be seeing more of each other but maybe this is the norm.

How do you envisage this? Do you want to spend time with him when he's with his child? What time does he finish work?

He says he would like us to live together by next year.

It's November so he wants to move in together in the next few weeks?

I would like to hear people’s thoughts on this should I be expecting a bit more ?

I think you need to lower your expectations. He's busy at work, has shared custody of his child and probably has friends and hobbies.

Six months in after seeing each other a couple of times a week, you're talking about marriage and making plans to move in together.

I think you need to slow down.

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