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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Haven't a clue what to do about this...

11 replies

shakennotstirred · 26/04/2008 17:06

I've just had a bit of a shock and was hoping for some opinions and advice...

My husband and I are both members of Facebook, and we regularly play scrabble on there, which okay, sounds geeky but is good fun

He's got really into it recently (over the last week or so) and has spent the entire evening online a few times, including not coming to bed until the early hours.

I've been getting suspicious as saw in the drop-down history list the other day such gems as "Adult Message Chocolates" and "Massage" (those of you familiar with Facebook will understand the idea).

Well, today I did something which I feel thoroughly ashamed of, and looked in his AOL e-mail folder. There was a message in there from a certain lady, who I know for a fact he is Facebook friends with. Basically, they've been having...erm....cyber relations. DH had writtent to her and told her he was pissed off last night coz I wanted to sit at the PC with him and he wanted to, well, pleasure her, I suppose.

I am feeling sick. Would you confront him? I hate the thought I'll be going to bed tonight and he'll be making excuses to sit here getting his end away with this bloody woman.

OP posts:
ChipButty · 26/04/2008 17:09

Too right I'd bloody confront him! What's he playing at?

beaniesteve · 26/04/2008 17:11

Yes - it's wrong for him to do this. There's nothing cyber about it. She is a real person presumably and he's crossed the line if you ask me.

kerryk · 26/04/2008 17:11

agree with chipbutty.

so he would rather spend time having cypersx with a stranger than spend time with you? you need to say something.

kerryk · 26/04/2008 17:12

does he know this person in rl.

shakennotstirred · 26/04/2008 17:15

Thank you all. I was worried that "snooping" was worse that what he was doing, if you see what I mean.

No kerryk, he doesn't know her in rl thank god. But I have no idea where she lives, so I guess they could meet up. Oh I feel physically ill. How am I going to look him in the face when he comes home from work?

OP posts:
benandalex · 26/04/2008 17:42

dont know what to say but maybe he is spinning her a line i know a friend was talking to someone who she met on facebook that his wife was so uncaring and didnt understand him ect ect ubut u need to have it out with him see what is explantation is but i know i wouldnt be happy with this

shakennotstirred · 26/04/2008 17:52

The way he wrote about me to her it sounded really bitter and horrible. He also said he knew I was checking up on him, so they would have to use the chat feature for "fun" chat and keep the ones during their scrabble games clean.

I feel so angry with him.

OP posts:
Jennylee · 26/04/2008 22:08

you have to be confront him and what he has done is worse than checking, I mean its just as well you checked! I consider that cheating, are they web camming together aswell? I would be devastated. hope you sort it out.

kittywise · 26/04/2008 22:11

Oh poor you what a horrible thing to discover.
I hope you manage to have a 'constructive' talk with him today.

DivaSkyChick · 27/04/2008 20:57

Print out everything you found. He will delete it and then try over the next few days to convince you that you're being crazy.

Print it and leave a copy of all the exchanges for him to read. Tell him you have posted a copy to his parents.

Asshole.

littlewoman · 27/04/2008 21:20

What a complete pair of cyberwankers. Hope you are okay, and it doesn't get worse from here

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