Help with self esteem and defensiveness

[deflatedbirthday]

We have been going through an incredibly stressful time as a couple and as a family. We seem to be coming out the other side now. We have moved house and that's taken a huge weight off.

However, my DH keeps commenting that I am being extremely defensive. And I am. I can hear it coming out of my mouth before I have chance to stop it. I constantly say things such as, 'Do you think I'm thick?' Or 'I'm not stupid I know xyz'.

I think my self-esteem has taken a bit of a battering lately and this is my defence mechanism. I feel quite vulnerable and insecure in myself as a person. I struggle to think of anything positive to say about myself.

What can I do to improve my self-esteem? How can I be less defensive?

It's really getting me down and I know DH is sick to death or it/ me right now.

Hi OP, have you any idea why you're responding in this way? I'm wondering if there's something your DH is doing that isn't helping e.g. saying things that chip at your self-esteem?
(The only people who've ever called me defensive have been people who wanted free rein to say whatever they wanted to me and didn't like it when they got a negative reaction!)

A holiday in the sun.

I know it sounds simple but, a bit of peace and quiet and sunshine helps put us back in a good place. Maybe not if you have to take young kids though tbf.

Could you and him, or even, just you, get away for a long weekend?

Or maybe you could go for a spa day. An aromatherapy massage might help.

Our bodies hold onto stress, get rid of some if the tension and maybe you'll feel the better for it.

Things like taking up jogging and long walks might help. Perhaps yoga or meditation.

Make some time for yourself. And maybe consider some fun date nights with him too.

I have to admit that there is an element of 'never wrong' with DH (strengthened by MIL!). But I know I'm being over the top defensive. I wouldn't usually react like this.