Possible cam girl websites on my dad's search history

[Flora144]

I feel unsettled and sick about something I found out about my dad. He is in his 70s and is married to my mum. He spends a lot of time on his iPad watching sport and reading news websites.

My mum, who is not very tech-savvy, asked me if I would look on the history of my dad’s iPad because he had showed her a website about a hobby she likes and she wanted to know the address. He knows I did this and said it was fine.

I opened the history and was scrolling through it when I noticed some weird stuff. Things like cam girl sites, live sex chat and searches for the names of young actresses/ TV presenters followed by ‘nude’. It wasn’t a one-off and there were multiple visits to sites like this over the month.

I am shocked by this cam girl site. I visited the site myself and it’s full of young women performing free sex shows, there is a chat option so the viewer can interact, buy a private show (not sure if he’s done any of this.) It’s possible to ‘favourite’ certain girls. I feel so sorry for my mum. If my partner did this, I would class it as cheating. I know she isn’t aware of it, as we are very close and I know she is anti-porn.

I googled the site name and found a few forums saying that it’s a common pop up and can override ad-blockers. Apparently it still saves in the history. Is it possible that he was streaming sport or TV shows and it popped up without him actually using it? The googling of the nude women is obviously him though.
I feel like my mum has the right to know but I don’t want to tell her because of the fallout it would cause. She is completely financially dependent on him so it’s not like she could easily leave him if she wanted to, and I know it would really upset her. When I was in my teens, my dad was staying up late to play a stupid online role-playing game and was chatting regularly with a woman on there. My mum found out and was devastated, in tears for two days and my dad said he wouldn’t go on it again. I don’t want to hurt her.

It’s changed the way I view my dad now and I don’t like the thought of him being like some dirty old man. These actresses and cam girls are young enough to be his daughter/ granddaughter. It’s disappointing because he has commented negatively about men who perv on young girls before and I wouldn’t expect him to be behaving like this online – it’s seedy and horrible. Obviously I know he is his own person and has his own personal life but I wish I'd never seen this. I feel very protective over my mum.

I don’t know what to do about it. Is there a chance the cam girl thing was a pop up tab? Surely if he was going on sites like this he wouldn't have let anyone use the iPad? Should I not say anything and move on from it?

Well, straight question, not rhetorical: what do you think the outcome would be of discussing this with your mother? What would you expect her to do with this information? You've said it would be difficult for her to leave but she'd be upset.

Sounds like you're looking for permission to stay out of this side of their marriage. If that's correct, you have it from one person at least.

It's legal material, not underage and he isn't looking to meet anyone from what you can see.

Your mum wouldn't like it, no, but I wouldn't go interfering in my parents' marriage on these grounds (also 70s). I'd assume curiosity and things have probably died down on that side at their age and leave them to it.

Escorts, CSI, another party involved or spending joint money, totally different matter. Looking at some nude pics or vids, not what I want to be envisaging but I couldn't get too indignant.

That's not to say I would lie if asked by DM, I just don't think this is worth opening up. What's she realistically supposed to do about it? If she's not aware then at least he's discreet with her.

At least some of it may be popups

You will get so many different views and opinions on here OP, buy the end of it you would have wished you had never posted!

Firstly, pop ups are really quite common for porn/web cam sites. you can go into settings / data and see how much data has been used on a particular website. If its comparatively low then it was almost certainly a pop up,

However, he may have been genuinely clicking on it and watching. Some might say that cam girls is morally better than watching porn, but that's an argument for another day.

Personally, i wouldn't say anything to your mum, instead i would approach your dad and just mention to him what found. You might find it was genuinely pop ups or, if he did willingly go on it, there may or may not be an honest explanation and he can explain his reasoning behind doing it.

Personally, i don't see watching porn or cam girls ( as a coupe ) cheating, however, the lines become more blurred if someone was paying to watch them in private ( as a single solo female, not as a heterosexual couple )

Fast forward twenty years... If you were in your mum's place, would you want your daughter to tell you, or bear the burden of knowledge silently?

I think it largely depends on whether you can continue to have a genuine relationship with your dad now you know this. If not, it's going to come out sooner or later unless you start telling lies about why you are being withdrawn around him etc.

Personally, I believe in honesty. I could not keep this knowledge from my own mother. But it's better he tells her himself, so I'd give him a deadline and after it I'd ask her if he's told her.

With the greatest of respect, you need to get over yourself.
It’s not as though he’s doing anything illegal and you have to realise that your parents are (God forbid) also people with sex lives.
Perhaps your parents have or do even watch porn together.
Keep out of their private lives!

What is your mum and dads relationship like? If they're fine then I would leave it and not open a can of worms in their old age.

These sites can definitely pop up when streaming online but you're right, the Google searches he has to be typing in himself.

Do you think your mum had an idea? He suggesting to look up the history is quite odd, would she not just ask you to look up the hobby and find the nearest place? Maybe she has an inking...

The internet allows some people to act out their thoughts 'privately.' It's not right but at this point in their life I'd tread carefully. Maybe just mention to your dad and tell him to stop it..

I almost always go for the honesty option but they're in their 70s. It's quite possible they don't have a sex life anymore. I'd just stay out of it tbh. It's just going to cause a load of hurt and problems for no real good reason.

If he was physically cheating that's different. My advice would also be different if they were younger. But at that age, no. If they're otherwise happy I wouldn't want to destroy that.

If you need to speak to someone, then it should be your dad. You can tell him how disappointed you are. It might make him think twice next time. It's horrible for you that you now know but I don't see there's anything to be gained by telling your mum.

To be blunt, if you're going to go digging through the history of an adult man, you're likely to find porn. And most men consider cam sites as just another form of porn, something like 90% of users never actually interact with the chat or buy credits or whatever.

At the end of the day, you invaded his privacy by digging through the history on his device, and found something you didn't like. And now because of that, you want to blow up your parents marriage.

Leave well alone.

Let it go. My DB walked in on his dad wanking over something on the iPad. My siblings and I had a giggle over it but there’s no need to worry about it.

Not your circus, not your monkey. Your dad is an adult and a sexual being, like the rest of us. We don't usually talk about our sexual interests with our children. So butt out.

It will do your mother no good to hear of this. She'll have to either suck it up (which will hurt) or throw her stability away (which will hurt). There's no positive outcome. So, know you are doing the right thing by putting it out of your mind.

Tell him you seen it. Tell him everything online has a footprint- assure him you're not going to tell your mum but you like him to avoid it.

I would stay out of it.

I wouldn't do this.

You've then said that you're complicit in something your mother won't like. Bit humiliating for her and it isn't for you to tell your dad what to do in his sex life.

I would either stay out of it (perhaps mentally draw a line at accepting this level of material and engagement if it makes you feel you're protecting her more actively), or tell her if you must.

But I wouldn't get involved 'behind her back' for the sake of feeling you've done something.

This!!!

Yeah, men are awful. That includes dads.

My closest male friend, who is a lovely, lovely man, frequently tells me that women would be horrified if they had an idea of even half the shit men think about.

If he's watching dodgy streams of sports then yes, they're absolutely riddled with popups and re-directs to sites like this.

That wouldn't explain the searches though 😅

the key here is that even if he is cheating, he isn’t putting your mother at risk. He isn’t going to bring home a disease by watching someone online.

depending on your relationship with your father I would either say nothing or point out that he should be using the private browsing feature on his tablet more often.

Why on earth should he tell her mother?
What you suggest is nothing short of blackmail.
Do you think her mother should tell her father every time she masturbates?
What do you suppose her mother thinks about when she masturbates? It will almost certainly be about someone other than her husband.

That's completely irrelevant and you know it.
OP knows her mother would consider this cheating. OP is now unfortunately in possession of knowledge that her father has, in her mother's eyes, cheated. Whether you think it's cheating or not is not the point. OP's mother does.

Blackmail is holding something over someone for your own gain. Not telling someone you are going to shop them and asking if they'd like the opportunity to confess first.

Keep out of your parents' private life. This has nothing to do with you.

Your dad won't be the first or last man to like looking at naked ladies.

Rubbish!