Threatened dh with divorce today because of MIL!!!!!!!

[DWvsMIL]

I know this was a severe overeaction on my part but I have been biting my lip and putting up with her snide remarks since dd was born almost 9 years ago while dh says nothing in my defence and something inside me just snapped today.

I have taken the subject up with dh before and we have had arguments about this in the past but it is as if today was the straw that broke the camel's back IYKWIM. I try to rise above things but this has been going on for sooooo long.

Today was FIL's birthday and I made a huge effort as always with nice presents and things. MIL was talking about how long DH and I had been together and said to DH "and you've stuck it for 11 years with all of that to put up with" nodding in my direction. DH said nothing. then she said to him "why aren't you saying anything? Are you worried you are going to incriminate yourself?" and he replied "no, I've got nothing to say"..................least he could of said is "well actually I have been very happy" but he said nothing.

The problem that I have is that this aside, we are very happily married, so why let his mum stick in the knife?. We hardly ever have arguments like this and when we do it's usually his mum that is the cause. In every other way he is the perfect dh and dad.

When we dropped dd off at music lesson I let rip. He doesn't understand why I am bothered. He says he can ignore it so why can't I. I threw my wedding rings at him and told him that I wanted to be married to a man, not a little boy who can't defend his wife from his mother's verbal abuse! AIBU

DWvsMIL

Good for you for taking a stand and good on your dh for finally understanding.

I'm in a similar position as memysonandI. In fact mil has been here for a month now and 'dh' hasn't had the courtesy to tell me how much longer I have to look after her and given the shit I took from them beforehand (dh family putting pressure on me sending my 2 year old to them overseas without me - have posted) and the fact they've been teaching ds just last week, in my home, to say mummy is difficult, I fully now realise that seething makes you ill.

Deal with the problem or get out. Do no be held hostage by anyone.

Your mil sounds like a classic pain in the arse but not evil. A good distance should work for you - best of luck. Sounds like a marriage worth fighting for.

Good for you. A little extreme, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm so glad you have dh's support, and I so wish I could be there to see MIL's face when he makes his first stand against her (don't suppose you could video it for us, could you? )

have it out with her yourself! Or return the insult with something like "surprised your marriage lasted that long with comments like that, poor FIL!"
My mum treats my DH like a son, but my SIL and her have a strained relationship, my mum tries too hard and doesnt understand her ways and often puts her foot in it. She means no harm but just doesnt get it right! I often see my SIL bite her tongue, but I think it works both ways and that SIL could try a bit harder too. Families hey!

Just spoke to my best friend of 20 years who knows everything there is to know about me. She said that basically it was about bloody time this happened, that whilst dh is such a good egg, he is a wimp when it comes to his mother and if it took something like this to make him realise then so be it. Feeling more positive today.

I can relate to your situation. DH and I have been together for 14 1/2 years (married for 12), and I've put up with his parents throwing several hissy fits (including one when we said we were getting engaged), verbal abuse and being ignored. After each tantrum, I've "wiped the slate clean" each time and acted as if nothing's happened, mainly for DHs sake because I thought he appreciated it and realised that they were the problem, not me. But at times, I've also put up with him making excuses for their behaviour and in some cases, actually blaming me for them being the way they are!

But it was after a tactless comment from MIL, a week after a miscarriage 3 years ago, when DH told me to "pull myself together" rather than stick up for me, that I stopped doing things for DH when it came to his parents. And 14 months ago (during a row about his parents visiting), he said that "husbands and wives didn't stick up for each other, if it was going to upset family". I now no longer visit and because I don't visit, neither do DDs (the ILs only grandchildren- they choose not to, not because I've told them they can't). For me, it really is DH's family, DH's problem now.

Your friend is right, and throwing your rings at your DH has given him a shock. I'd really recommend you come on this site. It's really helped me and there are a lot of posters who will help you deal with your MIL.

It's OK for him to ignore her, the insults are not directed at him. You are well within your rights to refuse to see her again and if she wants to see the grandchildren then your DH has to take them, without you. I would not let her set foot in my house if she were my MIL.

I guess he is still wearing his wedding ring, ask for it off him then tell him you want him to move out as you need a little time on your own to think things over about your future. That will really scare him.

glad i am not the only one with a rancid trout of a maother inlaw.
mine is the bossiest spiteful one you could meet.
my husband is living with her since we split up and is secuely attached by the umbilical cord he lived with her til he was 32 ffs.
we have been hoping for a reconcilliation but as i dont have to ever see her since we split its not a great bonus getting back with him.
she is a complete control freak who makes nasty little comments all the time and thinks i was just a baby machine to provide her with the grandkids she thought she would never had.
my hubby has no backbone and never sticks up for me either so i think MIL syndrome is alive and well in the uk. xxxxxxxxx

DWvsMIL - I'm glad you showed your DH this thread and I do hope that he tries hard to stand up for you a bit more.
It could be easier said than done though as years and years of ingrained behaviour may take some un doing!!
Why dont you try responding to her in the same vein as she talks to you (in the mean time). If she gets away with it by saying she is 'joking' then you should adopt her 'sense of humour' and 'joke' right back at her!
For example if she says 'you've put up with that all those years' about you.. smile and say back 'oh its been easier for him than putting up with you in the years before he met me' etc..
It might amuse you enough thinking up new insults jokes, that you arent quite as bothered by her evil comments any more!

Hi I have a similar situation. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years and married for7 we have 2 kids DS is 3 and DD is 14 weeks.

After two years of marriage we had to move in with his mum because his dad passed away. ( bearing in mind he has other siblings who are local) his mum never came to our wedding and began abusing me from then to be honest. This is what my mother in law has done to over the 4 nearly 5 years I have lived with her:

Outcasted me from day one and did not come to our wedding.

Stopped me from going to Pakistan with my husband for 6 weeks after I weeks after I had a miscarriage .

Swore at my mother

Lied about me and family saying she was set up when invited over for tea. When Dh asked for my hand in marriage.

Cried when I got pregnant with Ds

Would constantly ignore me.

Made her daughter argue with me
Made her son argue with me on many occasions. Even when I was pregnant both times.

Spoke ill of me to my father on the phone. after I had just met him after 28 years.

Turned my husband against me by filling his head with bad ideas about me that I am using him for money

Tried her best to get me and Shabaz to divorce

Cause arguments between me and Dh constantly.

Condition me to act like a typical Pakistani wife/slave to Dh

Constantly interfere in our marriage.

Would not allow Dh to wash up for me when I was working full time and pregnant

Told my family to effoff and kicked them out.

Humiliated me so many times in front of anyone.

Was not allowed to have my name the address.

Forced me to sign a prenup that did not apply & blackmailed with divorce.

Degraded by her solicitor as he laughed and smirked at me about liking money.

Criticised the way I talk, dress, pray, parenting skills, being a wife, being a mother, cooking, cleaning.

Stopped my husband from supporting me in any way.

Got jealous of me speaking to my sister in law

Got jealous of my relationship with my husband was not allowed pet names or to buy gifts for me. Or restaurant or even pizza she would ask who payed for it and She did not like any of it.

Walked in our bedroom when me and Dh were making love.

Tried to take over my babies

Dominates my husbands finances

Forced him to buy her council house and not include his wife and kids on it.

Hated when I was pregnant

Refused to open the door to me when I was heavily pregnant & made me wait for 45 min on the door step.

Would hang up on me when I called the house
Would not inform Dh that his son was in hospital.

Does not allow me to have any visitors from No one.

Left hers and her families dirty dishes in the sink for days for me to wash

Played mind games like hiding my washing up gloves and Throwing all my clean laundry on the floor.

Letting her family sleep in my bed.

Does not allow me to watch television
Tells me and my son to go upstairs

Pushed a mug in my face Eva use she did not like the way I cleaned it

Verbally abused me and swore at me calling me every name

Kicked me out of the house on many occasions and made me run out of the house because I was frightened

Threw a dirty nappy at me

Kicked my cousin out the house,
Swore at my cousin and
Spoke vulgar of my cousins breasts

Spoke vulgar of my mothers genitals

Dominates my marriage and my life
Dominates my husband

Made my husband primitive

Does not allow me to make any change to the house.

Tries to over power my husband and children
Does not have any respect for me
Does not treat me like her sons wife
Does not have any boundaries
Threatens my husband that she old and dieing. Forced my husband to do things for her out of honour.

My husband allowed all of this and forced me to live with her and let her interact with my children. If I left him he will threaten to take my children from.

I need some advice from anyone

Hi op

This is a very old thread. You will be better starting your own.

Of course meant hi dentalnurse.

If it was me...I would have said "what exactly do you mean... putting up with me"

I couldn't deal with thst no nonsense. My DH isn't great at coming to my defence ... but hasn't had to where PILS are concerned... It's BIL who is a bitter man.

I gave him a piece of my mind a few years ago and he's not said anything rude (directly) to me since.

My DH is too non confrontational.

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