I think he smells of perfume

[Itschristmasssss]

Been with partner for 2 years after coming out of a long relationship (10yrs +) which was rife with cheating, lies, toxic behaviour (him not me). I spent a year alone working on myself, boundaries etc and made sure I could spot an asshole a mile off. Zero red flags with this one.

This year my parter has landed a top job which flies him all over the world. Yesterday I knew he would be landing early hours in the morning, he got in, came to bed and fell asleep. I woke up to him beside me, went in for a cuddle and swear he smells quite strongly of perfume.

We are mid thirties. He is a very attractive guy who is in peak physical condition and has excellent chat, women do swoon over him a bit, but he is so careful to make me feel loved, never does anything to worry about, he doesn’t have female friends in RL or SM. He would be the last person I would ever think would cheat, but I can’t shake the fact that I’m
convinced I could smell perfume. If I ask him he’ll assume I don’t trust him, if I do nothing I don’t want to have that feeling of uncertainty?

Perhaps he was sat next to someone the plane with strong perfume?
Jumping to cheating seems a bit previous just yet.

I think, maybe a rational thought process may help here. He flew home and supposedly came straight to you? Unless he's a member of the mile high club, which is unlikely, I'd imagine you have either mistaken the smell, or he's sat next to someone on the plane who wore strong perfume. Usually, I would suggest listening to any gut instinct, but this feels unlikely, and probably more your previous relationship impacting.

Maybe just unfamiliar shower gel/shampoo provided at his hotel?

It's probably entirely innocent- a quick goodbye hug with someone he was away with? Even someone next to him travelling freshening up before they landed/got back.

DP and I went to a wedding a few months ago and both of us ended up reeking of someone else's aftershave- we must've hugged the same person at some point!

Understand your worries based on previous experience but I'm not sure this specific incident alone is of too great concern..

Maybe he had a squirt of cologne in duty free?

Walked through the fog of duty free?

Agree with the duty free, maybe sprayed something to test? Maybe as a gift for you at some point? - I'd sit on this and not mention it, if it happens regularly or something else alerts you then dig it back up!

Honestly, there are countless reasons for this, most of them likely innocent. It sounds a bit like paranoia creeping in, especially given what you went through in your last relationship. You need to be able to trust him—if he’s frequently traveling for work, you’ll drive yourself mad otherwise.

Came to say Duty Free too.

The other thing is vaping (I know this sounds odd). I know my friend's partner has a sweet smell when he vapes. Smells like perfume.

I was going to say the same as @Onlyvisiting . Crammed next to someone wearing perfume on the plane or perhaps spraying duty free they’d bought on the plane. The duty free shop is also very likely.
If you’ve no reason to mistrust him then you’re probably bringing unnecessary baggage from your last relationship to this one which sounds great. I suppose no one should be blind to the possibility of infidelity but if he’s going to be spending nights away for work you are in danger of diving yourself nuts and a wedge between the two of you if you don’t find a way of managing suspicions abd weighing them up against his general behaviour.

Its hard to do that when you’ve been betrayed in the past but if you think he’s worth it give it a go

women do swoon over him a bit

Was wondering about this. What does this mean, in practice? Does this happen when you are together? If so how does he react/deal with it?

Could always check his phone.

DH and I were on the train nearby to a woman with a very strong perfume once and both off us smelled of it later that evening. It could just be his proximity to someone.

I think he would have to have been in contact with someone to transfer the smell of perfume. Especially if he was undressed in bed?

I remember when I was dating my partner and we would go home and one of us would text saying ‘I can smell your perfume/aftershave on me.’

While I wouldn’t jump to conclusions straight away I would be keeping an eye out for any other signs.

I would say nothing and wait to see if any more concrete signs appear.

alone this isn’t much evidence and could be innocent

Given he's been flying I would assume duty free. I would also mention it for this reason.

'what perfume have you got on?! It's like waking up in duty free!' he may say 'i wanted to try Eau De Pong but think it's a bit feminine, or I went a bit mad trying them all. If he looks shady for a second, keep an eye out but I think you have an opportunity to ask without suspicion in this case and would take it.

I'd just very casually say something like "blimey, have you changed your aftershave. It's a bit strong", then carefully watch his reaction.

Maybe he's bought you some perfume in Duty Free and he had a squirt?
Honestly, from the way you've described him, I'll be surprised if he had a shag on the plane!

The only time I've ever come off a flight smelling of anything other than my own sweat is when the woman next to me sprayed perfume on herself as we were landing and given the angle some would have got me too. Didn't feel strong at the time but whatever she used lingered surprisingly!

he doesn’t have female friends in RL or SM

This makes me raise an eyebrow though. I don't trust men who don't have female friends. Why on earth not? And if he's in a globetrotting job surely he has professional female contacts and acquaintances? If it's because you've demanded "no female friends" well then the red flags are coming from you.

I agree with most of the above, coming from an airport with strong perfume everywhere, people on the plane, maybe a splash of aftershave, different smelling shower gel... if he's never given you any reason not to trust him I wouldn't worry about this!

If there are no other concerns this is a huge leap on your part, personally I'd not take too kindly to being accused of cheating based on this.

Have you sought counselling to recover from the trauma of your last relationship and rebuild your own esteem? That is the key here I think, spend some time working on yourself so you can banish these negative thoughts more readily.