Husband lost his job

[ohlookaflyingpinkelephant]

Just how do you get through those rough patches

Dh and I both lost our jobs in the same week once. We'd been with the (different) employers for 15 and 24 years respectively, so it is a big shock. It was also the first week in December, just for good measure.

What I did as a way of taking control and making a bit of money was have a big clear out and sell lots of junk things on Ebay. It's amazing what people will buy.

Then I went through the DDs and cancelled everything that wasn't strictly essential, it's amazing how those subscriptions mount up and that remains a worthwhile exercise to do every now and then.

We pared Christmas right back and it turned out to be one of the best ever. Presents only for DC and DC made somethings for GPs etc. Games, TV, walks, it was really lovely.

But the main thing of course is that job seeking becomes a fulltime job. 8 hours a day of searching, phoning, writing....but also find time to be good to each other. We used to go "out" to lunch taking a flask of soup to the park.

And hang on to the belief that things turn out Ok in the end. Both of us ended up in job that we're much happier in and I started a whole new career, which means I now (10 years on) work PT for more money than I used to earn FT.

With patience and love.

He will find other work, it might seem helpless now, but if you have savings this is your rainy day. If you work can you increase hours?

Personally I would let him just be until after this weekend and then say, start looking for something else.

My H, who is the only breadwinner in the house, was so down at his previous job, so I told him to resign, it was the only option. It was the best move he could make but he was only prepared to do it with my support. I said, I can work, you can get another job, we will work it out. And we did.

This is what the nitty gritty of marriages are.

Under what circumstances did he lose his job? (It's a different kettle of fish when they lose it because of something they've done vs no fault of their own. Or if it's a pattern of behaviour).

How recently has this happened?
What's he doing in the aftermath?

Depends on how he lost it, and how pro-active he is at looking for another.

By clubbing together and being supportive - unless he was fired, be mad for ten minutes and then be supportive

Do you mean financial or emotionally ?

Thankyou for the replies
He's the only earner and worked away
I was made redundant and stayed off work to look after children , no wider family support .

He's very proactive , lots of interviews , waiting for a break , it's been 7 weeks but he's getting snappy . I'm trying to support him but it's like walking on egg shells .
We've depleted the savings , he won't sign on

He needs to sign on if only to get his stamp paid for his state pension, but also, he's paid in, he should have what he's due.

He needs to signon, it's the gateway for so many others benefits that will help you out free dental, prescriptions, help with rent etc. I understand him being snappy. Do you sign on?

You need to start looking for work as well.

He's got to sign on.

If he's been looking for 7 weeks and still no luck then he needs to sign on swallow that pride and forget about any ego and sign on he's paid into the system providing food on the table for the children is more important than any embarrassment he may feel about singing on.

Well you need to step up & look for work as well. You can’t leave it all to him. It could be months or years until he gets something.

I am looking for work too . I haven't worked for 6 years . My Previous role was registered and I'm no longer registered so starting from the new .

This has happened to us twice. Once I was a SAHM with an 18 month year old - I went to an agency and got temp work and he shared child care with my mum until he got a job. Second time we were both working; I upped my hours, took on some weekend work tutoring until he got a job.

You’re in this together. How can you help? I also found keeping busy stopped me from worrying. You’ll get through it.

There is no shame in signing on during times like this. Are dc still at home ?

Was he made redundant or did he resign?

Your DH absolutely should sign on : your family (through tax) have been funding the system: it’s for your benefit too!

actually OPyiu should be able to sign in too if you are looking for work & have been employed in the last 2 years

also look into UC if your savings have depleted: I think you can apply not just DH if he won’t

average job search might be 3-6 months