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Original poster

Is he or isn't he?

17 replies

blondie15 · 26/04/2008 14:10

I don't really know what to do besides get other peoples opinions cos maybe its just me going mad. Basically when my dh has a few drinks on board he sort of 'looks' gay. He has been called this once by someone and then I recall him looking, I don't know, 'cosy' with a male friend one night about a year ago.
Now by accident I have discovered on his phone that he called this same male friend after midnight when we were both out last weekend, (I however had already gone home) I asked what he was doing calling him at that time of night - he was not out and lived at least 20mins away. He said he couldn't remember and has said no more since. A couple of days ago I looked at his phone and he had deleted that entry in the call log so now it looks like there was never a call. Why is this bothering me so much!?

OP posts:
NotABanana · 26/04/2008 14:11

Because you don't trust him, because you are taking too much notice of other people's opinions, because you have doubts?

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 26/04/2008 14:13

hmm well is there any other reasons to suspect he might be gay or bi-sexual?

Original poster
blondie15 · 26/04/2008 14:56

No there aren't any other reasons really. I do put myself down a lot and have had a bit of depression after having baby so I tend to wonder how he puts up with me

OP posts:
NotABanana · 26/04/2008 14:59

Stop that right now. It doesn't help anyone and it is a waste of energy.

MissGelly · 26/04/2008 15:00

Is he referred to as gay for the way he dresses? Or is he effeminate in his behaviour when he drinks?

That incident a year ago has got you rattled...How cosy was it?

madamez · 26/04/2008 15:04

Seek help for your depression before it gets worse, and stop snooping as it will not help your self esteem in the least.

Original poster
blondie15 · 26/04/2008 15:06

His behaviour when he drinks really. It wasn't much - he had his arm round this man in the taxi that we were travelling in. Its just that when he is sober he is so anti-gay and wouldn't be into giving another bloke so much as a 'friendly' hug.

OP posts:
NotABanana · 26/04/2008 15:10

mmm, maybe he is bi sexual. ask him.

LaComtesse · 26/04/2008 15:11

Do you suspect he might be gay? Lots of men hug each other when they're drunk, not meaning anything by it, when normally they'd rather crawl over broken glass than touch another man sober. The next day, they'll be back to normal non-touching. I'd suggest that you talk to your OH about this and say you need reassurance after having your lo.

Do leave the phone alone as well - sometimes reading things out of context can make them look worse than what really happened.

frumpygrumpyhasnofaceon · 26/04/2008 15:19

Doesn't sound a bit deal to me. He sounds like a happy drunk really I want to kiss and hug everyone when I've had a few.

Youcannotbeserious · 26/04/2008 15:20

Everyone is more 'touchy feely' when they are a bit tipsy or drunk.......

I don't think I'd read much into it... but you do need to talk to him about it otherwise it's likely to eat away at you.

LaComtesse · 26/04/2008 15:20

As well as ring them to tell them so .

Don't listen to voicemails you leave on friends phones when pissed!!

frumpygrumpyhasnofaceon · 26/04/2008 15:24

Oh yeah LaComtesse, I have phoned many people late into the night and warbled all sorts

Talk, you need to talk. Get it out, smile, share wine, be honest, move on.

VictorianSqualor · 26/04/2008 15:35

I hug and kiss everyone when drunk and often call one of my best friends, who lives in Dundee, I live in Oxford, so she is definitely 'not out!' but I just want to talk to her when I'm pissed!
I don't fancy her in the slightest though.
I think you're reading too much into it.
FWIW, DP is extremely camp when drunk, and even his family thought he was gay til we got together, he's not (unless I'm very much mistaken )

MissGelly · 26/04/2008 15:35

I would talk to him as well. It's a curiosity as to why he felt the need to erase the call though.. Tell him your concerns. There's nothing wrong with men hugging men when they're tipsy. Or even having their arms round them in the taxi! Obviously someone your hubs has great affection for. I'd be more bothered about being with someone who is vehemently anti-gay. (and this is coming from someone whose ExH is now gay )

castlesintheair · 26/04/2008 15:45

I agree with MissGelly, I'd be more worried about someone being so vehemently anti-gay. My DH hugs most of his male friends and even kisses he male relations. I think it's lovely. My Dad and brothers shake hands which I think is really strange!
Most people come out of themselves (no pun intended) when they've been drinking. Isn't that why we do it? Maybe your DH is just like most people?

NotABanana · 27/04/2008 12:50

That is what I meant when I posted at 3.10 yesterday.

Plenty of people have come out in later years after being vehemently gay in earlier life. Scared of their feelings I assume.

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