Recovering from narcissistic abuse

[AmberExpert]

Just feeling really low at the moment and need a bit of a handhold and some support please.

I left my partner a few months ago, I only started to realise towards the end of the relationship that he was a narcissist and I'd been in a toxic, narcissistic relationship. Reading up on this I could see it had been the classic love bombing, then the triangulation with other women then the discard. It was absolutely awful and to be honest I still can't believe it happened. I went from being a strong, independent person to a shell of myself.

I'm starting to rebuild my life, but it just feels so hard at the moment. We are completely NC, but in my head I'm reliving all the good times and happy memories. I'm already imagining him moving on and living his best life with someone new. I know I'm seeing a lot of it through rose tinted glasses and it's not the truth, but everything seems like a hard slog at the moment and I feel scared I won't ever feel like my old self.

I just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom or success stories to cheer me up.

Thank you x

Best advice I can give is to cut off every shred of info about him and erase him completely. So obvs block etc, also don’t respond if he contacts you (which sooner or later he likely will), don’t talk about him to friends - he does not exist anymore. I was married to my narc for 25 years. When he discarded me (with a speed, and sick enjoyment, that still shocks me) because I was daring to talk back (and he was cheating so he organised his exit strategy), I defo struggled for quite a while. Time is a great healer though, and I believe living your best life is the best revenge. I’m much happier now (it’s a few years down the road now) and you will be too.

Good morning, on the outside things look great, I’ve got a lovely house that is full of things I chose, that is calming and restful, a job that I love, a beautiful rescue cat, support from a great network of family and friends.

Internally I’m still struggling, and I feel very up and down emotionally. When I feel good, I feel really good, but when I feel down, I’m really down.

I’m still journaling, meditating, exercising, doing all the things I know will help me, but I find it hard. I’ve recently had a bad patch so have reached out for some external support and have counselling booked in. I’ve also downloaded a book called Just do the f@cking work by Eric Leffler and I’m finding that helpful.

I’m getting there, and I guess if I had to say it’s more good days than bad. I just keep gritting my teeth, head down and push on.

thanks for getting back in touch x

check out Dr Carter’s series on Surviving Narcissism:

Congratulations on your house, and glad to hear you are fitting in things that are good for your soul, even if they aren’t a quick fix.

i still have bad days too, but I think it is understandable and I hope you have support around you if you need it. I’ll have to try this book. Have you read ‘it begins with you’? I’ve found this quite profound in places x

Thank you @justfindingmyway I'll check out the book x

Just came across this thread. I've ordered the It Begins with You book too.
See my threads passim but I've just ended a 3 month whirlwind relationship with a man I adored. Slightly different as I think he had narcissistic traits and avoidance due to substance misuse (alcohol and coke) but I loved him from my bones. Classic love bombing that I ignored at the beginning.

Sex first date- sex was incredible all the way through.
Quotes from.him
"There's is a God" is what he said when he met me.
"I am in awe of you"" You're my safe place" " You feel.like home"
" I feel like I'll never have to look again for anyone"
"I love you" after 2 weeks.
This on the background of mood swings, runny nose and sniffing (coke) use of other drugs (he was open about those) and alcohol- bottle of wine a night
Don't want to hijack your thread but getting them.out of your headspace is truly an uphill struggle.
@AmberExpert I can only imagine how hard it is with a longer relationship. Sorry you're in it too.
I'm 49.
Trying to find a new date to take my mind of it hasn't worked either because all the men on the apps are either lying, bitter, or fat and ugly.
This narc/addict was a very young early 50s, charismatic,but not conventionally good looking. Very short in fact.
Arghhh