How to manage my frustration and unreasonable feelings and to be accepting of partner with ASD

[Wanttorunandrun]

I love DP. I really do. But I think I might actually explode. Sometimes he develops obsessions which I know is understandable and I try to be interested when he wants to offload facts and figures and information.

BUT the latest obsession is extreme. From the second he’s awake to leaving for work it’s non stop then he calls to discuss more. Sends messages about it on his breaks. When home it’s all he talks about and spends hours researching which would be fine but he wants to discuss the research with me. Then the plans and the financing it (home gym) then what the fitness plan and then the diet plan. This is more extreme than the usual times he’s hyper fixated on something and I’m struggling to be patient and listen.

Im ashamed to say I’ve pretended to have overtime and meetings and ‘had to turn my phone off’ just to get away for a bit. The poor dog is exhausted too from extra walks.

How can I manage this to maintain my sanity and be kind and supportive ?

I think it's ok to set some boundaries with him e.g. 'you can talk about the home gym for 10 minutes then I don't want to hear about it again until tomorrow'.

You tell him straight. Feining interest and then pretending you have overtime and meetings is unkind. He has autism, he literally won't get your subtle hints.

'I love you but I have zero interest in x and constantly hearing about it is doing my head in.'

My husband has autism and I have to shut this down regularly. I also have autism which probably means I find it easier not to dance around the bush.

Yep time limits for info dumping isthe way forward, or dumping him if it doesn't work. You can end a relationship for any reason and if this is frustrating you that's ok. If you have children with him they'll likely be autistic and info dump too, sometimes it's great there have been hyper fixations I've enjoyed, and others much less so.

This. I work with asd people and the majority have all told me they appreciate blunt honesty!
I am exhausted after a shift with them as they can talk for hours without a breath. Love them to bits but I salute you for being married to someone with asd who gets fixated on things.

I will try that then. I will just let him know tonight that after we’ve eaten that’s it for the evening I can’t talk about it anymore . I just feel guilty but I can’t explain the feeling of dread when he starts as I want to walk out !

This is a more complex and intense obsession than usual as well so
i think that’s not helping !

My DH has ADHD, diagnosed after we'd been together several years.

It's very hard sometimes. You need to decide whether you are positive that you want to and are able to commit to him forever. We've had some very difficult times including extreme MH spirals and sectioning over anxiety/depression.

Decide now whether you're happy to accept him as he is or not.

How do you picture the rest of your life?

Is this what you want?

Is he the right person for you?

You don't say how old you are, or whether you have kid(s).

Think very carefully about the wagon you want to hitch your star on.

PS: feelings of dread in a relationship is a huge red flag, and your happiness matters.