DH moods make my head spin

[WhycantBarryswim]

So DH works VERY long hours in a very stressful job, I get this, I understand it. He tries hard to make sure we spend time together at weekends and more often than not it's lovely, however when Monday comes around and he's back in work mode it's like he switches off from me, It's like he goes into a mood, he's quiet, disengaged, not affectionate - the rational part of my brain knows that he is super busy and just in work mode but it still leaves me feeling sad. I try to be pretty constant in my mood, I'm generally upbeat but find it hard when I'm met with monosyllabic answers and just generally made to feel like I'm annoying. I've tried to talk to him so many times about this and he sort of gets it, tries for a day or so and then it reverts back.

My wife is the same, i see the cloudy mood on a Sunday night. I hate it, you need to talk to him, see if he will consider changing jobs. Explain how it affects you.

@GarrynotsoGorilla yeah that's it the sunday dark cloud is real, unfortunately changing jobs is not an option as self employed.

Do you work?
How much do you both earn?
If he took a lower paid, less pressurised job, could you cope financially?

@MillMiller Yes I work, it would never happen he LOVES his job too much.

I have sunday anxiety. Its not always possible to switch it off.

Dh used to mentally say to himself before he got out of the car, that the people inside the house were not responsible for anything going on at work. He was therefore totally lovely, when he was home he was fully engaged with me or the children.

@pikkumyy77 I get that I really do, I think the bit I struggle with is why it affects his mood so much. Maybe I need to be more supportive.
@PhoneEarHead I would love it if he could do that!

Dh sort of trained himself into that mode. Imagine if you were in the first six months of dating, would he behave in this manner? Probably not. Dh and I treat our relationship like it's the first six months, you listen, you talk together, you put your phone down. You do small kindnesses for each other. We have been married for 25 years.

@PhoneEarHead thank you that is good advice, I feel like I do all of the kindness and get little in return.

I’m not sure there is anything you can do to make things better for him. It’s really something he needs to do for himself.

The only thing you can do is to have a chat with him again and explain how his behaviour makes you feel. Hurt, sad, and tbh taken for granted (he is making an effort for a couple of days and then that’s it despite you taking on the lion’s share of the workload).