My dc father was an abusive man and I eventually escaped when he was removed by police. It's been 8 years and there is a contact order in place regarding our dc 10 and 13.
Since ex subjected 13 yo to the kind of verbal and emotional abuse that he used to do to me at the end of last year dc1 has not gone to stay there (has refused), while dc2 has still gone (she is a girl and ex very much favourites her). Dc1 had got back to having irregular phone calls with his father though.
A few weeks ago dc were complaining about chores and I pointed out to them how much I do and what a small proportion of that I am asking them to do and said (without thinking) that I'd been a single parent for 13 years.
They said - no dad looked after us while you worked mum - because this is a tale ex has fed them when the reality was that he looked after them for 2 months and then forced me to get signed off by doctor for 'stress' when in fact it was because he said he would kill himself if I didn't and so I had to take a month off under false pretences while I sorted alternative childcare for them.
Again - stupidly without thinking it through I responded that it had only been 2 months - usually I let such things slide in the interests of not bad mouthing their father. But I was at the end of my tether that day - which is no excuse.
So since then the 13yo has gone back to refusing to talk on the phone to his dad and saying he hates him, he's a liar, he'll never see him again, etc.
I absolutely do not want to damage their relationship with their father, no matter what a bastard he may be. I have said to them he's not lied because he did look after you, etc. I obviously have managed to damage it and I don't know what to do to make it better?
What can I do?