Is this an abusive relationship?

[susannah32]

Hi all,

I feel like I am going mad. My ex partner, who I currently live with keeps swinging from nice guy to really horrible. It comes from leftfield and he shouts at me for anything and everything. He then starts calling me odd, very weird, stupid, thick etc. The other day he cornered me in the dining room because I wasn't answering a question. Yesterday he finished the day off by calling me names again and stated that 'it was no wonder people shout at me'.

I used to do all the house work and I mean everything but I would get criticised (a lot) so I stopped. He then twists everything and blames me. it's so exhausting. Is this normal?

Stop living with him and life will improve.. for now ignore and do not try to analyse him

Its not normal. ‘Cornering’ you is physical intimidation and could escalate. You need to stop living with him.

of course it's not normal.

Yes it's abusive. How soon can you physically separate

My ex husband and I had to share our flat for 6 months after we'd decided to split - I was saving for a deposit on a new flat. It was an amicable split but towards the end of that 6 months he started getting pretty ratty towards me - not on the lines of what is happening to you, but he was starting to be nasty.

Turned out he'd met someone else and was annoyed that he couldn't bring her back to the flat because I was still there. Any possibility your ex has met someone else?

Yes

No, it is not normal.

Yes, it is abusive.

For clarity, this was a response to whether it's abusive. 🙂

It's definitely not normal.

Why are you still living together?

You need to live separately.

Was he like this when you were together? Not that it really matter, he is definitely being abusive. Please try to live separately as soon as possible.

Hi

Yes, he was like this when we were together. I find the whole thing exhausting. We are in the middle of selling the house and I have moved to my mum and dad's for now as the constant name calling and being shouted at is too much.

What else would it be? Of course someone shouting at you and calling you horrible names is abuse!

And no, its not normal.

But here's the thing, it doesn't have to be 'abuse' or 'bad enough' for you to end it. The only point in a relationship is if it makes your life better with them in it. This guy not only doesn't do that, he actively makes it worse!

You don't have to justify ending things.
You can end it for any readon you like. It's your life and you don't owe anyone a relationship. Even if they were a nice person who was nice to you.

If possible I'd push through the house sale, all the while, pretending you'll still be moving in with him somewhere else. Make sure the money goes to your account (first). Then delegate his share out and dump him and find your own place.