finances

[Constance1643]

I'm in a 30 year marriage but having therapy to end it. I have recently being setting firm boundaries. Throughout our marriage everything is fine as long as I do what he wants, live where he wants etc. I am starting to say no to things and giving my opinions. He has now cut off a housekeeping allowance that has been in place for 26 years since our eldest child was born and I stopped working. It feels like it is to punish me and he is playing chess to get me to comply. I can get by money wise so that is not the issue but it's the way he has gone about this. No discussion. He will not engage in discussions about anything he doesn't want to talk about. It feels like this is the last straw. I just wanted to know if anyone else has had this happen to them

It doesn’t matter if it’s happened to others, it’s happening to you and it’s financial abuse. Have a read of this book and speak to women’s aid for advice, including help finding a good lawyer.

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

If he doesn't give you the money for housekeeping he pays for it directly, if he is the one earning, and don't cook for him or do his washing. If this is the last straw just leave, get a divorce and go for half of everything.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

I would seek legal advice from a local solicitor to you re divorce. He is not going to like any boundary you set him and will not respond to this. Be brave, do not be afraid to move in with your own life and plan your exit with care. How supportive is your now adult child?.

Your husband has and continues to financially abuse you too re the withdrawal of this housekeeping allowance. It’s also been used by him to keep you economically disadvantaged. Such men are rarely only financially abusing sauce and indeed he is emotionally abusive as well.

This is financial abuse. Quite sure it's illegal in most developed countries.
I hope you manage to divorce his pathetic ass very quickly.