Honestly- does you or your partner ever get nasty in arguments?

[Grotint]

Honestly? Just trying to gauge what’s ‘ok’
I don’t but my current partner can at times and previous ones too.

I’d consider myself much worse at arguments than dh - he could have joined the diplomatic service. But I’ve never been nasty to him.

This blog post on arguing from the Gottmans might be useful op - it’s based on longitudinal research

No, honestly we don’t really argue. By that I don’t mean we never have disagreements or never bicker or never get annoyed with each other. But we don’t ‘fight’ as in screaming at each other, no name calling, etc.

The last time I really consciously remember us arguing, like shouting (me shouting at him), was probably 5 years ago. We were going through a very stressful time with extended family and having to go NC with multiple family members and it was just a really hard time and I needed his support and felt like he wasn’t being supportive (because he was also completely overwhelmed by what they were doing). We were both just exhausted and at the ends of our rope. I can’t think of a time we’ve argued since really.

He still pisses me off when he leaves his shit in the way on the floor, but we are adults, and I’ll say, can you please put all your shit away so I do fall over it!? And he’ll say, sorry and pick it up. 😂 There’s no excuse for proper grown ups to have nasty arguments with each other.

Mine can but there are reasons behind it, he lashes out childishly because in some ways he is childish. I accept it because I know in his case it's literally a reaction he can't help. He is remorseful afterwards and I do know he doesn't mean it.

Without understanding why he does it I wouldn't accept it.