To pay or not to pay, that is the question

[NewMum0512]

Partner and I have now been together about 18 months. I am a “single” Mum who struggles financially and have big monthly bills like a mortgage etc.
My partner currently lives with me about 80% of the time but has never offered any financial contribution.
He earns £90k and has a maisonette with a tenant bringing in £750 a month.
In all fairness he does on occasion bring a few grocery items in, but this is very occasionally.
He does take me out once every 2/3 months I’d say but nowhere particularly fancy.
AITA for thinking he should make some sort of financial contribution?
I’m torn as I’d be paying all the bills whether he was here or not and it’s not like he’s a massive drain on hot water, electric etc. He’s also a bit odd in that he will take his washing home to do at his.
So as I say AITA in this situation?
If I’m not, why am I not?

Cock lodger
have a serious talk or get rid - he is taking advantage of you! And saving money. No thanks

Why are you asking again 🤔

Sounds tight to me.

Of course he should be paying. The cheek of him not even offering. Are you buying most of the groceries too?

OP 90K is around 5K net per month! And he never even offered £200 a month for bills and groceries?! Sorry he is an asshole

different thread, different thoughts and opinions was the thought process

You’ve landed yourself with a total and utter tightwad.

Don’t kid yourself that this is some hapless lack of awareness on his part.

If he’s clever enough to earn 90k he knows exactly what he’s doing when it comes to rinsing you. And that’s exactly what he’s doing. Calculating behaviour.

He's taking advantage of you.

Why do you think this would be ok?

He's not a guest visiting you for a week, he's living in a house you pay for, using your energy, eating your food. Do you do all the housework too?

Yes, of course, he should be paying. I personally would expect him to pay proportionately to his income on all bills, council tax, food shopping, any joint days out, minus your mortgage, but I would set up some sort of cohabitation agreement/lodger thing where he is on top of that paying, say, £300 pcm towards a room at yours. He can always move back to his if he doesn’t like it and pay everything for himself.

Have you lost your single person council tax discount?

Hey, hey op.

Just under the TV cabinet over there, your bar has rolled across the floor and nearly gotten lost.
It's ok, fish it out, dust it off, raise it up. 👍🏻

He is a taking advantage of a single mum who is financially struggling. OP please it’s a no brainer! Leave him! He is no prize

Is it his child?

Well, he's onto a really good thing with you, isn't he? His bank account thanks you.

How did the conversation go with him when you said “hey, you’re here a majority of the time, can we have a talk about best way to fairly manage joint living expenditures”?

He should be contributing A LOT if he is living with you 80% of the time. If he cared about you at all, he would want to contribute and help out as much as he could. He either contributes or he leaves.

To dump or continue to be financially exploited?
That is the question

Congratulations you’ve bagged yourself a cocklodger.

The only possible way that he could get away with not paying bills is if he’s constantly taking you out on lovely dates, bringing groceries, weekends away and holidays and paying for everything.

Otherwise he’s a freeloading ponce

Either he is the biggest cocklodger or you are an idiot.
Take your pick.

If your claiming any benefits or single person council tax then you need to make sure that they are notified or you could lose them and end up fined/owing it back as I think the limit is no more than 3 nights per week x

I'd end it. Seriously. He's either too stupid to realise or too tight to care. Not attractive either way.

Or, tell him it's time for a talk. Watch him run and back track.

To pay or not to pay, that is the question.

No OP, the question is
"Why am I a stupid fool to put up with a rich man effectively stealing from me and my child?"
Or
"Why are my boundaries so low i will accept crumbs from someone financially abusing me?"

Can you answer either of those honestly to yourself?

Remember OP every penny he’s scrounging from you is a penny less you’re spending on your DC. Hrs taking food out your children’s mouths and you’re facilitating it

He should definitely be paying you something if he’s there 80% of the time. A lot of people rent a room in a major city week-wise for work and go home to family etc. Friday nights and the weekend. This arrangement usually works well for both parties, as the person renting out the room gets their weekends to themselves and gets a bit of rent too. The person renting the room usually takes their washing home as well!!

You should treat this arrangement as similar i.e. that he pays for room and board for the time he spends with you, despite the arrangement being a romantic one, and he probably shares your bedroom. It differs a bit, as he has access to your whole house, not just a bedsit and perhaps the use of a shared kitchen. He should at least have had the decency to offer a nominal sum of money for room and board for the time he spends at your house, particularly if he’s earning 90k a year! He must be saving loads, whereas you, by your own admission, are struggling a little as a single mum.