My relationship of 12 years is in tatters. Emotional and financial abuse, and trapped in it. There's no love there and I can't remember the last time I was made to feel important.
I'm not close with my family and never have been. I have a lot of child hood trauma and bereavements which all happened during ages 11 - 16, some beyond. 8 losses in total. Some from tragic accidents, others suicide. My mum never wanted children and told me she wished she had aborted me when I was around 9 or 10, which I remember clear as day. She was in and out of mental hospitals as I was growing up. Meanwhile my dad cheated on her with her best friend (my god mum) who he is now married to and she despises us so I don't hear much from him.
I give my whole heart to my friends who wouldn't even pick up the phone for me.
People know I have a kind heart and just take advantage of that, they take what they need and that'll be it until they want something else. I feel like I have no genuine connections in my life or anyone who truly loves me, and I'm sad about it. I see so many close families and friendship groups who would drop anything for eachother, but no one has ever or will ever do that for me.
Am I just totally unlovable?
A pity party post but I'm hoping I'm not alone. I will be the friend who is talked over when telling a story. I'll be the friend who everyone assumes is driving and no one will offer to pay for petrol or towards parking. I'm the one who will be left on a night out and no one will let me know they've left. I'm just tired of being the invisible push over. I want genuine people in my life, is it too much to ask?