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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm just here to be used

1 reply

matilda1077 · 04/11/2024 20:14

My relationship of 12 years is in tatters. Emotional and financial abuse, and trapped in it. There's no love there and I can't remember the last time I was made to feel important.

I'm not close with my family and never have been. I have a lot of child hood trauma and bereavements which all happened during ages 11 - 16, some beyond. 8 losses in total. Some from tragic accidents, others suicide. My mum never wanted children and told me she wished she had aborted me when I was around 9 or 10, which I remember clear as day. She was in and out of mental hospitals as I was growing up. Meanwhile my dad cheated on her with her best friend (my god mum) who he is now married to and she despises us so I don't hear much from him.

I give my whole heart to my friends who wouldn't even pick up the phone for me.

People know I have a kind heart and just take advantage of that, they take what they need and that'll be it until they want something else. I feel like I have no genuine connections in my life or anyone who truly loves me, and I'm sad about it. I see so many close families and friendship groups who would drop anything for eachother, but no one has ever or will ever do that for me.

Am I just totally unlovable?

A pity party post but I'm hoping I'm not alone. I will be the friend who is talked over when telling a story. I'll be the friend who everyone assumes is driving and no one will offer to pay for petrol or towards parking. I'm the one who will be left on a night out and no one will let me know they've left. I'm just tired of being the invisible push over. I want genuine people in my life, is it too much to ask?

OP posts:
GarrynotsoGorilla · 04/11/2024 20:51

No it's not, and a lot of what you said resonates with me too, different experiences but similar. I would love to join your pity party too, and crack open the wine. But i also know that won't fix anything, and actually some of what you have said will be as much about your perception of situations as much as the actuality. Some - not all. So after our pity party we need to look at how we start to love and believe in ourselves. Bonce we can do that the connections will form. Until we can we will sabotage them with our own negative thinking. Good luck.

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