My partner (41 M) and I (43 F) have been together for a year and a half. I am unsure if I should push for this relationship or living together because when it is the two of us, things seem to work so well. In many ways it has been a better relationship than I have had so far.
I am questioning myself and I am not sure if the problem is me, since I have never dated someone with kids that has issues like these. His 18 year old is constantly having issues and he will drop everything to appease the child because he says he is worried about her. I am unsure if the level of what I am seeing is normal parent stuff, or if these are serious red flags.
The teen will not work or go to school and was caught with heavy drugs a few times and cried, so he let things go and did not tell the mother because he said she would get very angry. He says he worries about her fragile mental health. She ended up in the hospital when she threatened suicide after her boyfriend dumped her last Christmas. She is back with that boyfriend. My brother committed suicide, so I of course took it very seriously and dropped everything at my family Christmas to get him there, but this was last year and now I am seeing a pattern. This was only a month into the relationship and how I found out that there is some serious dysfunction between all of them. There have been a few instances of dramatic events since. I keep my nose out of it.
It was my birthday a few weeks ago and he missed it because she skipped school and her mom caught her and was yelling at her. She called dad and cried and said that she needed to be rescued from mom. My dog had died that week and I was waiting for a cancer biopsy, so I was quite angry since I felt that this wasn't an emergency and he was overstepping into the mom's parenting. I was going through a hard time myself. Maybe I was wrong since he says she has ptsd from the mother yelling at her when she was little? I don't know if I believe this. Something is not adding up for me. He dropped her back off at moms two days later, so if this was serious would he drop her off at her alleged abusers? He said things have been better the last few years.
I was so fed up with all of this I ended it and then he kept asking me to come and talk to him. I agreed, I thought maybe there was more to the story and maybe it was a real emergency, but that was the gist of it. He apologized profusely and said he was wrong and handled it incorrectly, so I thought I'd give it another chance. We have a vacation booked in two weeks together that I cannot get the money back for. But now he is saying that I am wrong for breaking up with him and that someone should stick through these things with their partner and be supportive. He said parents don't always like each other or get along. I was told before we met that they were amicable. I never would have entered a relationship with someone that had all of this drama going on if I knew, but now that I have gotten to know him, it's a tougher decision to leave.
I am just not sure if this is normal parent stuff and I am having a difficult time with it. I do care about him and our relationship is great otherwise. I am wondering if a relationship with him is doomed, and this will be an issue forever or if there is some way I can manage things better? I would love to hear the mom's side to this, but I cannot ask. It could just be me since I do not have children of my own to fully understand. I am not sure if I need to manage my feelings better or if he needs to manage this better somehow or seek therapy himself. He mentioned living together before and I said it was too soon since I don't know the child very well and I feel it's still fairly new. I am wanting a life partner at this stage in my life and I am afraid to waste time.