Was our family just not good enough for him.

[Applewoodtree]

I split up from my ex husband 5 years ago as he was having an affair. We were married for 36 years.
it was the usual story, much younger work colleague, blah blah blah.

Anyway, I’ve tried to move on, was heartbroken.

We have 2 grown up children who he doesn’t see at all, partly because he can’t be arsed seeing one and the other wants nothing to do with him because of how he treated me.
Anyway, my youngest has Facebook which she hardly ever uses and for some reason at the weekend, she went on it, she still has her dad as a Facebook friend.
she has seen he has been tagged in lots of things with the other woman, family things with her kids (who are primary school aged). Family holidays, bowling, cinema nights. Date nights etc.
He even posted something about mental health in boys & men…..his own son, our boy suffered from mental health problems and and he didn’t want to know, I was left to deal with it all myself.

My daughter was devastated, 1, because he wasn’t interested in helping his own son when he was going through his mental health problems, and 2 because he would never do anything with us as a family, he was always too busy out with his friends at the weekend, golfing trips, and his excuse was he works hard during the week, and the weekend is his.
If we did do anything together as a family, he always said not to put it on social media, he me posting things on social media said there was no reason to justify things to other people. He even hated when I wanted to take pictures of anything we did together as a couple or a family. He just wasn’t interested.

Were we just not good enough for him?
I Have been quite upset myself about this, and it feels like we as a family were never good enough for him.
I've tried to be strong for my daughter as she is really upset, but inside I’m dying all over again.

He wasn’t good enough for you

No. It is the other way around. He wasn't good enough for you and your family. He's just shown you again what a horrible person he is.

He was probably living a double life a lot longer than you know which was why he didn't want you posting on SM. If she hasn't already, your daughter needs to block him on all channels. You need to stop letting him live in your heads rent free. He's not worth it, find your anger for how badly he's behaved towards you all and evict his sorry arse from your thoughts.

No, your family was and is good. Was him the one who didn't and still doesn't meet the standard. Social media is usually a facade. Ignore the posts. I almost certain that he is still the same person and all those photos mean nothing.
Don't suffer for someone who doesn't care. He doesn't deserve that privilege.

Were we just not good enough for him?

What, in any of his behaviour either then or now, makes you think this man was good enough for any of you?

The prick was never interested in his family. I strongly doubt he has any actual interest in OW's children either, but the expectations on him will be far lower and she presumably is interested in trying to create some kind of social media narrative about how wildly happy they are/the affair wasn't some tawdry shagging but they are star-crossed lovers who were 'meant to be' or some shit like that. Give it a few years and I suspect the social media posting will dry up.

Not that you (or your DD) should see any of it, as it's hurtful and thoughtless - very on brand for this man.

He was never good enough for you. And now you fortunately don't have to have anything to do with him. I think your DD should block him on Facebook and maybe try some counselling to help her come to terms with the fact her father is a selfish, shallow, faithless prick.

People do this after a break up to hurt their ex. I suspect he knows you’ll see this. He wants you to see it and be upset by it. I suspect he has some regrets, and his comments about men’s mental health are most likely in reference to feeling abandoned/rejected (at least in his eyes).

He hasn’t changed OP, despite the shiny “happy family” image he’s happy to project onto social media. He just wants to try and upset you because he can’t face acknowledging that the person who is TRULY responsible for all the hurt created, is himself.

I am sorry to hear this has happened to you.
What an arse. He is probably cringing inside being touted all over socials, and they are putting on a united front because of what they did.
It is all bullshit and the mental health post is a joke. Those posts infuriate me when you know the person behind them treats people so badly.
It is a facade.
For all you have been through, you have a real family.
This woman has a man who she knows has abandoned his own children. He would do the same to her in an instant.
Keep being the wonderful mum that you are. You are more than enough for your lovely DC.

Thank you everyone. My daughter blocked him on Facebook after she seen the posts.

He's spinning her a line, one that isn't real. You know who he is.
You are better than he'll ever be. Take care and get your daughter to block his SM.

He was and still is a crap human being. Don't pay him the compliment of giving a shit about his opinions of you and your children, his opinions are worthless. He doesn't deserve the amount of attention you are paying towards caring about what he is doing now. You stewing over how awful he is isn't going to make any difference.

Live your life, treasure and support your children, seek out new skills, new friends, new experiences. Accept that there are a lot of shitty people in the world and although you accidentally married one of them, he is out of your life now and good riddance so his existence no longer needs to trouble you.

Surely, surely he must notice the contrast with how he treated you and feel awful… I’m sorry, what a way to treat your family, throughout

The first poster has it.

He was NOT good enough for you.

He almost certainly just posts crap like that in order to create an image which is fake. He won’t have changed. He may even just be doing it spitefully.

I am glad your daughter has blocked him, but how sad that he will end up despised by his children. What an absolute arsehole of a man for hurting you and his children like this.

Stay strong OP. You are so much better off without him and you got the best deal. Your children.

. A man who didn’t have time with his own kids and didn’t want his personal life all over social media is now playing the devoted dad role with someone else’s kids and is on that self same social media
Very try hard and more than likely to be fake .
I almost wish your dd hadn’t blocked his attention seeking arse

He didn’t do this with you because he was probably having a string of affairs. Affair woman knows this and is probably over compensating and making sure it’s so easy for him to cheat on her!

He’s scum and was not good enough for you or your children.