Serial cheater - public sector roles

[shitisshit]

Husband is a serial cheat and works in the NHS. All the women he has affairs with all from work in various departments based both in and out of the hospital environment but all front line workers and know he's married. My MIL who works in another front line public service says this behaviour is very common there too.

Anyone else experienced this or is it just my pathetic, sack of shit of a husband?!

I’m sorry he has hurt you.

Thanks that's really kind and I appreciate your msg ❤️

It went on for 17years and I fully accept that his actions are a reflection of him not me and have moved on.

Happens all the time in the Civil Service as well.
Multiple affairs, lies, inappropriate relationships, often from people you wouldn't expect. It's quite frightening.

You only have to read posts on here to know there are arseholes in every sector, NHS, police, army, fire service, financial services (( worked in this sector for many years in London and the corporate events were eye openers). I now work in education and we also have these low life's.

Sadly it won't make any difference to you. You've been hurt whether he's a NHS worker or the local plumber. I feel for you and I hope you find someone better to share your life with.

Some people cheat, some don't. Some people who cheat work on the public sector, some don't!
The blame is entirely on your husband, his job is not an excuse for his awful behaviour.

Your MIL is just enabling him!

It was certainly rife when I was a student nurse back in the 80’s. For many of my colleagues, copping off with a consultant or registrar was almost a badge of honour back then, married or not. It was a really eye opener.

It can be a shift work thing. People get very close on a night shift!

I haven't witnessed it myself working in the NHS but I've heard of a lot from colleagues.

That said, one of our consultants is Bulgarian and his wife and kids still live there so he goes home every 2 months to see them. Recently we've had a Bulgarian GP trainee, young and female, who has started and they sit in one of the consulting rooms chatting and giggling in Bulgarian. It may just be that they enjoy being able to speak their own language but their body language is a bit suspicious. I wouldn't be too happy if I was his wife, put it that way.

I'm so sorry your H is a shit OP

Is he a doctor? It’s fairly common in the NHS, I don’t think it’s due to shift work (although I’m sure people will disagree) I think it’s due to trauma bonding. When I worked in the NHS I felt like no one else other than my colleagues understood my life and it created distance between me and ‘normal people’. I always avoided doctors though as I felt they treated nurses like disposable objects they could pick and throw away.
Caveat to this is the two happiest marriages I know are to doctors so not all doctors.
Im so sorry that you’re facing this

I think it varies greatly depending on your role and where you are. I’ve worked in a support function in the NHS and then civil service for nearly a decade, I’ve only ever heard about one affair. I’ve got a fair amount if dr and nurse friends but the gossip is never that!

For those of us who actually work in the NHS I don't know how the hell these people find the time or the energy.

I know there are Ratbags everywhere and I suppose proximity is what it often comes down to.

Sounds like you're well rid.

*probably would be. Unless the rest of your life is amazing.

l’m sorry the OP has been hurt, but l really don’t see the connection with the area of work someone is involved in. It could happen in a big law firm, the local supermarket or to members of the Royal Household.

@Aconite20 For those of us who actually work in the NHS I don't know how the hell these people find the time or the energy.

I would second this.
I put in 25 years with the NHS having to work with stupid colleagues and shitty entitled bosses. The patients were a whole different set of problems, but at least it wasn't their fault they were ill. Having said that, some just refused to cooperate and thwarted treatment at every turn.

Some days I was so exhausted at the end of a shift I had to have a kip in the car before I went home.

I was divorced at the time, which was fortunate, as the last thing I needed was to go home and have to cook a meal.

I was in bed most nights by 9.00.pm and asleep by 9.15 !

People cheat in all lines of work, however when you are working long unsociable hours in high stress environments you are more likely to build closer bonds with colleagues than if you all work in an office doing data entry 9-5. The same jobs put extra pressure on relationships with people outside of that world who don't fully understand it or the emotional impact of that work. Very high divorce rates in the police for example.

I work in the NHS and have been hit on by a married man, I'm not interested in married men and wouldn't go there, but some could be seen as being 'flirty' I guess and don't necessarily openly disclose they are married to people.
I'm single and was treated appallingly and with suspicion by some other female colleagues, they also suddenly made it they're business to interrogate me about why I'm single and encourage me to partner with a single man, so your not a threat anymore I guess. I call these women 'patriarchy supporters'. It's all those evil seducing womens faults and poor old men can't help it. 🙄
Not everyone is like this, but rumour has it it's a 'hot bed of affairs' and people even get caught having sex on cupboards, unless it's all rumour.
I'm neurodivergent and my kindness and friendliness has been mistaking as flirting, but I'm not interested in dating anyone from work, but I can see how my behaviour could be misinterpreted and ruffled feathers, but they're wrong perception did not warrant the treatment I received.
If I ever move to another area within the NHS I've already decided I'm getting a cheap wedding band and pretending I'm married. I just want to go to work to work and I enjoy the social aspect in a purely platonic way.

Friend working in police claims it's rife there. Entitled plus low morale and working in close proximity I think adds to the opportunity to cheat.

my DF was a copper, my DH was a copper, my DS now works for the police (but not as a copper) and I worked for the police for a few years. I then worked in financial services in London and now in education. The worst by far for affairs was the financial services sector. It was far worse than the police. Everyone loves the narrative that it’s rife in the police, gives them something else to criticise them for, but people cheat in all jobs.