Idk what to do

[HerormyMom]

I’m so confused by my partner’s attitude.
My partner F44 and I F30 have been together for about seven years. We have lived together for the past four years. I’m very close to my family, closer to my mom. The oldest of three and only girl. My partner on the other hand is not as close to her family, talks to them once every couple months. Here is the issue, before we moved into our new home we live in an apartment. My parents would drop by sometimes and she always seemed welcoming. A few months ago we moved into our new home and all of a sudden she doesn’t want my parents to visit. She has never said anything rude to them but makes faces that has made my mom feel unwelcome. She tells me I’m too close to them but mostly my mom and even counts how many times a day my mother and I talk. Tells me I have mommy issues and even goes as far as making baby noises. We have boundaries and my parents are very respectful of that. I don’t answer phone calls when we are together, nor do I give them more attention than I give her. They both are very important to me and each has a place in my life. It bothers me that she has that attitude because my parents are always there, if WE need something. Have always been very welcoming of her and her kids. I don’t think it’s fair that I can’t enjoy having my parents over because she gets annoyed when that is my house just as much as hers. I have asked if my mom has done or said something to her that has cause this. When I bring up the issue she tells she’s sorry and she’ll try better next time but it is always the same thing. Am I wrong for being upset about her attitude?

You are of course right to feel upset about this. Does your partner control you in other aspects as well?

No, you’re not wrong. It sounds like she is being possessive and controlling of you. Controlling partners often try to separate their partner from family and friends so that only they “have you”. If this is the case, surely there will have been other signs over the years you have been together. How is she about you seeing/calling friends/ going out without her etc? Does she express an opinion on what you wear? Do you ever feel that you are walking on eggshells so you don’t upset her?

yes! I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I don’t go out with my friends unless she comes. Sometimes I want to go along but I know it will hurt her if I say I want to go alone for a change. I have never done anything for her to doubt me but because she was cheated on before she has trust issues. Guess I have never thought of her as controlling but I do know and feel like she wants to be the only person in my life. If my best friend hugs me she makes comments about it like “why are you hugging her” then laughs like she is joking but makes my best friend uncomfortable and I hate that.

You are in a ‘coercive and controlling’ relationship. In Britain coercive and controlling behaviour has been made a criminal offence in recent years because it’s so serious, it can gradually become dangerous. Even at a lower level, it is damaging to mental health and reducing self esteem. They all justify their behaviour by saying things like they have “been cheated on before”. You may not be ready to hear this, but get out now!