Frequency of sex decreasing - do I bring it up?

[Polkadotty9]

Context here is he experiencing a lot of stress and anxiety and is actively doing something about it. Sex was 2-3 times a week and has always been an important part of our relationship, but recently had deceased to every couple of weeks, sometimes even less frequent. I do feel it’s temporary, but it’s also bothering me. We also want to TTC and I’m really aware that this frequency isn’t ideal.

But I’m conscious that mentioning it might add extra pressure - another thing to feel stressed and anxious about! Could it make it even worse? But then, openness is important. I’m sure he is also aware of it, so perhaps an open discussion isn’t helpful, but also maybe it will improve in time without me putting pressure on.

what would you do?

Is what's causing him stress a short-term thing? If so, I wouldn't raise it.

If he’s already suffering with stress and is actively already doing something about that then I wouldn’t mention it. We’ve had spells similar where one or both of us has been under pressure elsewhere and so sex has slipped a bit, I can honestly say during those times when it was me I’d have found my partner mentioning it just another thing to stress about. Assuming we’re talking a few months rather than a few years no I wouldn’t mention it. When suffering with stress and anxiety sex is literally the last thing on my mind and if my husband brought it up to me at the time I’d probably not have a kind response honestly

Thanks both - this was what I’ve been thinking. Yes short term - the result of several unpleasant events added in to normal life stress. I would hate to put any pressure or make him feel worse.

Well I’d talk to him about the cause of the stress if he isn’t solving it on his own - otherwise you will come across as somewhat tone deaf and self centred.

If he is working on it successfully, then I’d focus on making sure you spend time together and he feels like you have his back, which will increase your emotional intimacy which often leads to physical. Create some scenarios where it’s easy fo be close. Be patient - but if it settles in for more than 3 months, then it’s time to sit down and talk about what you can both do.

I wouldn't do it to yourself or him, the pressure for him then you'll probably start wondering if he's doing it as a chore. You can try improve it without the mess, I.e arrange a chill night cuddled up with a movie and a wine or just snacks whatever lots of non sexualised touching see how it goes.. can be a case of its just not top of his head but closeness can rocket it up