Can't get past this comment he made

[Itsalwaysfools]

Me and a guy have been chatting. He's a childhood friend. We had a brief fling in our 20s but then our lives went in different directions. We've both found ourselves single at the same time in our 50s and have sort of re-connected. It hadn't spilt over into romance quite but we talked most days, it was chatty, easy and he'd mentioned going away together etc. I liked him. He's got so many good qualities. Bright, sharp as a tack, funny, easy to talk to about many different subjects, very well read, thoughtful, considerate etc. A conversation turned to films and out of nowhere, he referred to an actress as a "slut with issues" and part of the 'feminazi". I was stunned. Didn't see it coming at all. Such aggressive and nasty misogynistic language. Any feelings for him that might have been building have gone in a poof of smoke. I just fear that so many men harbour views like this and I increasingly don't want anything to do with them. I'm absolutely fine and wouldn't say I'm upset but I do think I feel a general sense of it being the final straw in the relationship stakes for me.

It's not prevalent now it's always been there. We are more aware of it and less accepting of it.

I agree actually agree with you that it's always been there.
I think what I was thinking of is the Andrew Tate type actual promotion of that view of women. Actually proselytising to young men and teenage boys.

I agree with you, although this one is in his 50s...!

As a 50 something woman, I'm hardly over-run with offers from eligible men these days, so I'm fishing from a very small pond already. Then the seemingly good ones hold these awful views anyway. I'm done. So absolutely and utterly done. I wasn't actively looking for a relationship anyway and this might never have become anything beyond friends, so I've not lost anything but I just feel a bit glum about it all.

That’s understandable. It is very demoralising. I’m glad you aren’t lowering your standards though. He wasn’t a good one, but there are better out there - finding them is another matter!

@PeggyMitchellsCameo Then he explained to me men only champion their daughters. When it comes to partners or wives, in his words…
You are all replaceable. Past 40 you are all hump
and dumpers. Any hole’s a goal, Peggy!

So his views include that his daughters are replaceable to the men they date or marry, and when they reach 40 they are just holes for men to wank into and then discard. However much he champions them, that is what he considers his daughters to be. What a dad!

I hear you. It would be a pointless waste of words and it's not your job to try and educate him anyway. If he really is smart when he never hears from you again, he'll work it out.

It's only worth saying anything imho if they make a comment that seems thoughtless rather than nasty, and you think they will listen and reflect on their attitude. Slut/feminazi doesn't fall into that category.
Otherwise you're just teaching them to save their misogynistic comments for their mates and hide them from women when dating.

This At the very least I'd want him to know the reason why I was having nothing more to do with him.

A lot of men think like this but a lot of men don't. There's also a lot of single 50 odd year olds.

I really like your attitude about calling him out etc etc so no doubt good energy pulls good energy. Get out there.

I would have thought it'd be blindingly obvious to him. The last words on our chat were his and he really should be deeply embarrassed.

Absolutely the best approach. Don't waste your energy, or give him a heads-up that he needs to hide his misogyny a little better with the next woman he gets chatting to.

Agree!

Do you think he was having a little tipple?

In vino veritas.

I doubt he's intelligent enough to join the dots on that one.

They rarely are

Dumb men say dumb things. I have a male relative who, post divorce from his first wife, repeated a joke he'd heard that "you should never trust something that bleeds every month & doesn't die" ..... I was kinda speechless and did an inward WTF and refrained from saying "it's not really blood, are you too thick to know that? And also I'm wondering how you expect humans to reproduce without women having menstrual cycles" ......

A few years on, he's remarried to a woman who is really dominant and his whole life is about her and her family.

A guy I briefly dated referred to women getting fat after getting married and having kids .......he's married with at least three kids.

They're generally full of shit, men.

The arsey tone of 'what did he say...' implies that poster think she shoul have. Judgey and PA as fuck.

Nope, just a simple question. The rest is coming from you. Your head must be a tough place to be.

I’m sure MNetteters can come up with something both devastating and hilarious:

maybe reply and say “Did the Incel Troll living in your Mum’s basement sneak out and grab your phone… eww.

Sorry, but that's absolutely infantile. Do you really think a man like that will find a comeback 'devastating'? No, a comeback will just confirm some other mysogentic idea in his warped little brain.

OP, your silence speaks volumes, I think you're completely right. You can do without getting embroiled in an argument - he's shown you for the shit weasel he is.

Nope, a simple question would be: did you pull him up on it?

That phrasing is compeltely loaded.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree. It's quite hard to read tone on the internet.

LOL at you getting all passive aggressive when called out on your passive aggressiveness.

He's tea total.

😂 Hands up to that one being passive aggressive! The first one....just a question (that the OP answered without any aggression or massive chip on her shoulder!).