I can't stand my sister in law

[bell1989]

My husbands brothers wife!

Since I got married (since 2018) I have tried really hard to get along with my sister in law. When we see each other she continuously cuts me off when I talk or if I talk she'll look away. Yes we all get distracted sometimes (we both have young children) but honestly she does this when there aren't any distractions around. I find it exhausting trying to engage with her but i also don't want to be rude and not engage with her at all. It would really be awkward for the whole family. I've tried to put my feelings aside and just 'deal with it' but it's also making me feel super uncomfortable when I'm around her. The only time she'll engage is if the conversation is entirely around her.

If we weren't sister in laws we definitely wouldn't be friends. I understand that not everyone has to get on but the times we do see each other I dread it. She also does this really obvious thing where she looks me up and down at what I'm wearing. It's so obvious that it makes me feel uncomfortable.

What's the best way to deal with conversing with her?

I've told my husband my uneasiness with her and what makes the whole situation difficult is he doesn't see it. And thinks it's all fine. He thinks it's all in my head. But it's really not. I can't help it if someone makes me feel uncomfortable. If I was the problem then it would be an issue with other people around me. But I don't.

She sounds like she can’t stand you either
so just a civil hi and don’t follow up
she will be relieved i suspect

This^^

Many people don't like their sils tbh. The beauty is that you don't have to hang out too much. You aren't related by blood - just a quick hi and don't have too much to do with her

I don't either. Good job she's on the other side of the world.

It sounds like it's mutual.

Just be polite. You don't have to like each other or be friends.

I don’t see what you’ve turned this into such a big deal in your head. You don’t like her, she probably doesn’t like you. Where’s the issue? No one is requiring you to be friends, you presumably just see one another in passing at family occasions. You seem to have invented a situation where you’re martyring yourself for the sake of the family, but surely it’s possible to say hello, exchange a couple of pleasantries about the weather, and talk to other people? I have five SILs. We’re very different people. Only two of the five have I ever seen at all outside of family occasions, and that has probably been fewer than five times over several decades.

Don't worry about making an effort. You dont have to get on just because you are both women. Talk to anyone else present.

Just don't make a conversation, as soon as she starts talking give her the same treatment and just walk off or find something in your handbag. Don't give her attention.. Look at your phone everytime the conversation is drawn back to her.

Excuse me? Are people not allowed to have issues people in life? It would be interesting to know what other threads of mine you have looked into. It's a tad weird that you've gone out of your way to look at what other threads I've posted about 😳. It's not a simple as just what I posted. There is a lot more to it. I genuinely posted because I'm further along in this complex journey with my sil. Although this posts seems very minor there is a lot of hurt prior to this. And I'm trying to navigate through my relationship with her. So I posted to get some opinions. Your opinion however was really unnecessary. But thank you for taking the time to look into other thread. You clearly have a lot of time on your hands

As i say OP

I suspect the Sil will be relieved if you no longer engage beyond “hello”

I just say hi and bye to my DH's brother's wife!

this complex journey with my sil...I'm trying to navigate through my relationship with her

Oh dear.

meanwhile the SIL simply doesn’t want to engage but the OP continues to pester despite not being able to stand the SIL anyway

Its a shame SIL is behaving like this especially you both have kids.

It’s her with the problem not you. You have clearly tried I would feel uncomfortable. Of course you would like to be friends, that understandable. Lots of SILs are really close.

Just dont waste your energy anymore. Say hi when you see her and smile then just switch off from her - like someone said look at your phone - i would even start yawning when she starts rambling on.

Dont bother telling you husband again , he sounds like mine.
Its certainly not in your head.

Has for looking you up and down - she jealous, sounds like she needs to grow up.

Best wishes OP. 💐

I don’t think anything will change given how you describe your dislike for each other, so I would stop worrying or trying. Be civil and courteous. Speak when you have to. Like you would with a colleague you don’t like but have to be professional with.