Boyfriend loves me but is so scared for the future

[Walkerio]

Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and a half. Everything has been going welll and he is the love of my life. We have are ups and downs and recently we have been going through a bit of a rough patch where we have been bickering over silly things. He’s turned around and asked for space as he’s confused, I’ve honoured that space to him. But he’s now saying he loves me a lot but is so scared for the future as is worried that we will be bickering in 10 years time. I’ve tried to explain that it’s normal for couples to bicker but you just have to work through it together but he doesn’t seem to understand. I’m heartbroken and confused that he’s willing to throw our relationship away over bickering.

I think he’s right to be honest, “rough patch” and “bickering” after 1.5 years doesn’t bode well for a happy long-lasting relationship and I’d also be walking away from the relationship if I was him.

If you’re already having rough patches and bickering constantly then you can’t even begin to imagine how much that will escalate when you’re sharing a home, together all of the time as you live in the same house, paying bills together, navigating finances as a couple, and then if/when you have children it’s tenfold again. If you’re bickering over the TV already then it doesn’t bode well for when you’re both sleep deprived, have no time for yourselves etc.

I’d be walking away from this, it’s definitely not normal especially in such a new relationship.

I have to agree with everyone else.
Bickering isn't normal or healthy.

Going through a rough patch at only 18 months in is a worry.

DH and I never bicker. If we disagree, we compromise with one another.

We rarely have big arguments, but if we do, we always apologise and move on. Nobody holds grudges.

I think your relationship is over, and your boyfriend is right to be worried about a future with you.

Essentially, you're not compatible.

Everyone is focussing on the rough patch and bickering with no context. What’s going on that’s possibly causing stress in the relationship?

Of course relationships go through rough patches and times when arguments are more frequent. The key is why and what you do about it.

For me the worrying thing here is he is checking out from conflict resolution, which suggests he doesn’t care enough to work on solutions. What have you done to resolve this?

If you can't have a civil conversation about what to watch on TV after only 18 months together, you aren't compatible.

It’s only been 18 months, you’re dating and working out if you’re compatible, if you can’t decide what to watch on tv without snipping at each other then it’s over.

At 18 months you should be pleased to be in each others company. Putting a film on or watching a box set together, not pissed off he wants the football while you want the rugby.

So you don't share a home and then one of you is in the other's home and the person hosting isn't making an effort with the guest and the visiting guest is also not being easy going? Squabbling over the tv - so tiresome.

If you don't live together and this is happening at 18 months it says a lot. Bickering over the tv is not something that happens at 18 months in. By the time you are living together and much further down the road, you've managed to work out a way to live with each other so both parties can chill in their home.

Oh and I just want to add that me and my DH hosted a dinner for a couple on Friday. They constantly bickered. It isn't a one off and we decided we won't host them again and limit seeing them. It is horribly toxic.

Bickering is a slow painful slide into contempt and you end up hating your partner. Not the way to spend your life.

Like what? What would you actually bicker over?