Hiya.
time posting here so all advice is appreciated. I really hope someone can help.
I’ve been with my husband for 13 years. I have 3 Adult Stepchildren and our own 7 year old little girl.
I’ve always felt quite left out of my Stepchildren’s lives - we always have got on and they adore there youngest sister. My husband is a fantastic dad too.
When we started going out with each other, he was in a high conflict relationship with his ex (he didn’t cheat on her though and met me 2 years after they separated).
I dealt with it all as he is a lovely man, and now we have very little contact with his ex as my step kids are young adults.
my problem is this - I have supported him and he says if it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t see his kids at all. But I now have to take care of everything (his pension, food, childcare, thr bills, thr house we live in - I mean every thing). He pays me and that’s it.
Anyway, I’ve asked him loads of times to include me, I’ve asked loads of times for him to take care of maintaining the house). He does, but for a short period of time. He never compliments me and sex is now every other month. I’ve just started a degree through work which is also stressful enough working full time.
in terms of the including me, tonight I just lost it. His eldest son has had a child - we talked about our names a while ago, in which he then forgot what name I wanted. Tonight, when I spoke to my eldest stepson, I said how’s our beautiful granddaughter - my stepson asked me to be a grandparent figure so I had no issue with asking in that tone. My husband approached me after and basically told me off for saying that and that he wants to be called his name instead of grandad etc and I got the hint maybe I should just be called by my name too. So it seems he doesn’t want me to be part of that picture.
I’ve also learnt over the years that I crave for more out of life. He on the other hand isn’t ambitious, but he also isn’t ambitious about paying more of the mortgage off or reducing out debts - he just lets me sort the finances. I want him to take control sometimes.
I’m not happy, he doesn’t listen and when he does, it turns into an argument because he will then try and put things back on me.
I’m scared - he is a lovely man, but treats me like his mum and an alarm bell to remind him. We get on generally, but I always used to be fun and now he has called me too serious. I just feel down all the time but if I say anything, it’s forgotten about or turns into an argument.
what do I do?