Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

sexual abuse

29 replies

noddynote · 25/04/2008 20:01

OK, this is a hard one for me. Don't know if I'm on the right thread but I guess it is sort of re family relationship.

What do I do if I know my sister sexually abused a child along time go?
She is now married and has 6 DC... I'm frightened for those children but don't want to be the cause of a family break up, or my own family disowning (sp?) me. I know that sounds very cowardly of me - sorry

Does anyone know what happens to familys in this situation?

OP posts:
Doodle2U · 25/04/2008 20:11

Have you ever talked to your sister about what happened?

Hassled · 25/04/2008 20:11

I don't know either but I'm sure you could ring the NSPCC anonymously and find out - if they can't tell you, they will put in touch with someone who can.

I can understand feeling cowardly but this clearly isn't just going to go away either, is it? It's obviously worrying you, and there are 6 DC to think about. Do they seem like happy kids? And are you absolutely sure that you're right? You need to think long and hard, but you have to do the right thing.

Lotstodo · 26/04/2008 18:47

How long have you felt like you should speak out? Have you felt like this since she had her first child? Also, what age was she when it occurred - was she a child herself 'experimenting'.

PaninoPan · 26/04/2008 19:42

Undoubtedly phone the NSPCC, confidentially. This is the sort of thread IME that could go very badly, and v. probably will not be any better than empathic and sensitive advice provided from the professinoals. IMO. Good luck.

Pheebe · 26/04/2008 20:03

Agree with other posters, I think your first step should be to talk this through (perhaps anonymously) with NSPCC. You need to be very sure about what you would be accusing your sister of before taking this further. It's difficult to say without knowing the basis for your assertion that your sister did sexually abuse a child whether your interpretation is correct or whether there's an alternative explanation. My advice would be to be very sure about this before taking it further.

If you are sure the the next step is to hand this over the social services. As I understand it this can also be done anonymously or at least you can ask for your name to be withheld (not sure about that so you would need to check).

Original poster
noddynote · 26/04/2008 20:12

Thanks for the advice everyone...I will pluck up the courage and call NSPCC.

Don't know why I didn't think of them myself... maybe thinking of too much so therefore can't think at all senario.

OP posts:
Original poster
noddynote · 26/04/2008 20:31

I've been thinking for a couple of years now and sick to death of thinking about it and v. scared about what might happen whatever I do!
I have no doubt about what happened and believe me I would never think about doing anything if I had, she is my sister afterall and don't want to cause any hurt to our family, but there is always going to be that 'what if' question.
Damed if I do, damed if I don't
Thank everyone for letting me get some of my chest!

OP posts:
collision · 26/04/2008 20:39

why dont you speak to your sister first and see what she has to say?

I presume you dont have a lot to do with her so there would be no loss to you in that particular sense (though the whole thing would be traumatic.....am not saying that to make light of it)

I think you have to think of the children rather than the aftermath of what could happen.

do you want to talk about what happened?

I really feel for you.

Hecate · 26/04/2008 20:47

Was she a child or an adult when she did this? What I mean is, do you think it was sexual abuse or the normal curiosity that many children display?

Original poster
noddynote · 26/04/2008 20:55

17 or 18

OP posts:
hatrick · 26/04/2008 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
noddynote · 26/04/2008 21:17

No, nothing like that...it was a little girl, about 4yo.

OP posts:
collision · 26/04/2008 21:37

do you know the little girl? would you be able to talk to her? did you see what happened? why have you not said something before?

Lots of questions.....sorry......

hatrick · 26/04/2008 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RIELOVESBACARDI · 26/04/2008 21:47

report it

Original poster
noddynote · 26/04/2008 22:23

It's not been reported and nobody else knows - actually only me and my sister know. sorry for being cagey about this but it's a little uncomfortable and feel a bit shakey.

I will try to get some professional help to get this sorted (if it can be).I feel like a load has been taken off already just writing...thanks for helping me get started. xxx

OP posts:
YouNeverKnow · 26/04/2008 22:50

did your sister confide in you? hope that you get the help and advice you need

oydal · 26/04/2008 22:55

No, I was the little girl.

YouNeverKnow · 26/04/2008 23:00

i'm a tad confused? is that noddynote with a name change? not sure really what to say? you need to speak to someone who has good advice for you

oydal · 26/04/2008 23:13

OPPS yes...doesn't matter nobody knows me anyway

oydal · 26/04/2008 23:19

Thanks youneverknow, I know you don't know what to say but you don't have to...I aready feel alot better just sharing it.

Getting a glass of wine then heading to bed - Thanks!

YouNeverKnow · 27/04/2008 10:07

oh hun

i take it you have never spoken to anyone about it?
try any of these and i think that like the girls said before talking to the nspcc would be a great help for you

this site offers good advice

and this id aimed at adukts in your position

i wish i could help more.

trishpops · 27/04/2008 10:18

oydal, hope you feel bit better this morning, good luck with everything, i think you are very brave :-)

collision · 27/04/2008 13:36

oh lovie I am so sorry.

Dont worry about the name change....it happens to the best of us!

I think you need to think about what you want to do and you really need to involve someone from outside your family for some counselling.

Do you have contact with your sister? What would the family's reaction be? do you think they would believe you? Would they at least support you?

What is your family situation? do you have a DH who supports and understands?

Keep posting if it helps.

BlaDeBla · 27/04/2008 14:20

Another link: NACAP. They have a helpline which may be worth trying. It's crap living with this kind of secret. Well done for starting to talk about it.