A bit of background: I am reasonably successful, surrounded by professional people, and I can afford nice things, holidays, and have a lifestyle many people would envy.
The woman I’ve been seeing has had a traumatic life, with a past drug issue she overcame, but now she has complex mental health issues. Currently, she’s only communicating with me through my friend.
After I split up with my ex-partner around the time of COVID, we started seeing each other every day. We never officially dated and kept things low-key to avoid conflict with my ex. We bonded and have been together ever since. Although we don’t live together, we’re as close to a couple as you can get.
From the start, I knew she had issues: an abusive ex, kids in care, and bouts of mental health struggles. But I only focus on the future, believing that people can change, especially if they’re around good influences.
Due to her past behavior, her family had cut her off. My involvement seemed to make things worse, as I stood up for her with legal challenges around seeing her kids and so on.
She’s never been very good with money or administration, and I’ve always made sure she’s on time for things, not running out of essentials, and in general, trying to shield her from criticism.
My ex hates her passionately, even though she thinks we’re only friends. Because of this, I ask her to avoid coming to my office or places where my ex might see us, as my ex would likely start telling our kids that I'm horrible, etc.
Over the last six months, her mental health has been deteriorating. She’s been sectioned twice and sent home with medication that she refuses to take. After a few episodes, I called her doctor to express my concerns. She found out and got very angry. She believes people are following her, recording her, and coming into her home to cause damage. But as long as she’s not harming herself or others, the nurses just let her be, which results in exhaustion and a huge mess every few weeks.
For the past three weeks, she’s locked herself in her home, only going out twice a week for an hour to see her kids. She told me she needs to be alone because she feels I never believed her and that I made her feel isolated. In reality, I run four businesses and spend more time checking on her and listening to her fears than anything else, only to be accused of being part of a conspiracy with her family to undermine her.
Throughout our relationship, I’ve done everything I can to improve her life. I’ve helped with her kids, taken her to nice places, and ensured she had whatever she wanted.
Last year, I took my kids to a theme park for two nights. She got annoyed and called my ex, telling her we were together. My ex, spiteful as ever, told her we still had a relationship (which is a complete lie). In response, she had a one-night stand.
Fast forward to today, and she’s mostly ignoring me, except for the occasional late-night call. Last weekend, while I was away, she called me, stressed, saying the TV told her that her abusive ex was still alive. She said she missed him and hoped he’d come through the door.
She accuses me of having affairs, writing a book about her, and running live YouTube feeds mocking her. None of this is true, but the nurses insist it’s not a big deal and that she doesn’t realize she’s unwell.
I’ve attributed these outbursts and hurtful accusations to her mental health. I’ve continued putting money into her account, sending her sweets and cigarettes. She sleeps most of the day, then spends her nights dancing, singing, and shouting out the window at passing cars, believing they’re part of some plot.
Even though we don’t live together, I feel deeply sad and helpless. In business and most other areas of life, I can take a rational approach and achieve the results I want. Here, though, it feels like nothing I do makes a difference.
She’s been texting daily with my best friend. She laughs and chats with him, though she shares bizarre claims—people stealing £100,000 from her power meter, cars tracking her, windows being replaced to feed her solar energy, and shadows talking to her. Still, she seems more “normal” with him.
I don’t know if it’s because I love her, want to protect her, or worry that leaving means her old friends will take advantage of her. My friends think she’s bad for me, but she has nobody else, and I miss her. Even though she rarely replies, I still text her daily, drop off her favorite sweets and drinks on my way home from the office, just so she has something.
Since I’m clearly emotionally entangled, I’d appreciate any opinions on what I should do. Has anyone experienced something similar or have advice on making things better?