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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Legal advice please - Should I email ex’s new wife about the truth of his economic abuse abusive?

8 replies

Louholla6 · 02/11/2024 13:40

Long story….. my ex and I divorced in 2017, I left him due to his controlling behaviour and what I now know is narcissism. I got what I thought was a very secure consent order. He then met someone new a year later. I had the children virtually full time so I had no time to meet anyone new. He then started proceedings to reduce maintenance to me and at the same time a child arrangement order to the existing arrangement so that it would make it impossible for me to have free time or work whilst he also reduced my maintenance. This all to pursue his new women. I lost both cases as I had no funds to legal advise and was a litigant in person. He then had a child 2 years ago with her and then married her last year. Ever since he has met her he has distance himself from our children and allow hers to disrespect them. I suspect he has lied to her about me and this has caused resentment which she took out on my children. I know him and I know what he is capable of and she is his new supply so he will guard that with his life. he seems to think that because he has her his obligations to hos children and me financially no longer exist. I have two children with special needs which’s is why I’ve been home. He feels that having to pay me is holding back his nee future! Erm yeah well that’s what happens in divorce for both parties and you just do your best for your kids until they are old enough. Well he won’t have this and thinks he is e titled to more and is now attempting to stop all payments to me entirely as well as school fees and make us homeless and cause me £40,000 debt because of it.

I have never contacted his now wife I wanted to meet her as my children were staying there but he refused. I am now seriously considering emailing her and sending her some emails and texts that he has sent me over the years to show her what he is really like. My motivation for this and I will be totally honest here. Are to screw his life up after what he is doing to me and my children again. We have had to move 3 times in the last 2 years because of this. We have had absolutely no home security since the divorce and we have all be through hell with since the divorce and have been unable to have any successful new relationships due to repeated litigation.

he is now trying again to reduce payments to ZERO and hiding his finances by not disclosing in legal proceedings. I have a strong feeling his wife has sold her house that she was renting out and that they have bought another together and are waiting for the proceedings to end with my case and then will put in notice to end their tenancy and move.

he has over the years sent me emails and texts with sexual connotations which obviously I have zero interest in.

so i am thinking of sending them to her so that she knows what he is really like! I known it is vindictive and it really is not my usual manner but I am so angry that he is doing this to us again whilst he thinks he can sail off into the sunset.

question is what could be the legal repercussions of this?

OP posts:
Sashya · 02/11/2024 14:21

Personally - I'd pour my energy into preparing for the court case. And figuring out what additional support I can find so that I can sort out my life and job situation.
His W is not your enemy. Your fight is not with her.

category12 · 02/11/2024 14:28

I don't think it will threaten his relationship - she'll probably instantly tell him and won't take on board what you're saying.

They may use it to suggest you are harassing them.

I don't think you'll get what you want from doing it.

NitheringWind · 02/11/2024 14:51

Bit late now. Dont be spiteful and let her get on with it.

EmmaMaria · 02/11/2024 14:58

She won't believe you, and it could very easily backfire on you - you acknowledge yourself that your motivation is vindictive, and how will that appear in court or if she reports you to the police for harassment? I am sorry that this has been so awful for you, but don't get dragged down to his level.

LemonTT · 02/11/2024 15:03

it is not advisable to engage or enrage a narcissist in this way. They will just retaliate.

If you are divorced then child support should be the only connection. If that is court ordered rather than CMS then focus on getting the best outcome there. Then limit your involvement with him to as little as possible.

Cantalever · 02/11/2024 15:07

Get good legal advice urgently, both on your financial situation with him which is totally unjust, and on your idea here about the wife, as it could possibly go against you if you give him any ammunition. Good luck OP. Flowers

TipsyJoker · 02/11/2024 15:09

Speak to women’s aid. Find out about getting a non mol and state that he is using vexatious litigation to continue coercive control and abuse of you. Get onto CMS and get them to get the money out of him. The less he sees the children, the more he is liable to pay for them. If he has threatened you in any way, report that to the police.

TipsyJoker · 02/11/2024 15:10

If he’s attempting to hide money, speak to a forensic accountant.

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