is it possible to live apart together and have a normal relationship?

[Zoopymoopy]

I'm considering how to blend families with my partner. We’re happy and planning to move in together and marry, but I have concerns. I have a 5-year-old who lives with me full-time, and he has a 9- and 13-year-old, with shared custody. While I've enjoyed time with his kids, I often feel "trapped" when it's just us, and I get anxious about the idea of living together full-time. I value my space and struggle to be around other kids without mine. Has anyone maintained a healthy relationship without cohabitating? I dream of marriage and having a child together, but I'm unsure about living under one roof daily with all the kids

how long have you been together?

never in a month of sundays would i blend families. My children’s home should be just that… and not shared with my boyfriend and his kids

and your other threads would suggest the relationship itself is far from healthy

I’m seeing someone with a child, I have my own. Never in a million years would I move in with him. I’m older though and don’t want another child

I’m older so the blended families doesn’t apply to me now but never ever would I have moved me and my DS in with another family

Living apart works for many people. My sister and her ex were together 17 years and both had their own homes. Obviously spent most nights together but had a couple of nights apart every week and it worked for them

The worst thing you can do for yourself and your child is to continue a relationship with him.

What are you getting out of this?. What needs of yours is he supposedly meeting here?.

What you've been describing here in your other postings is the nice/nasty cycle of abuse and that is a continuous one. Your relationship is over and should be because of the abuse he metes out to you.

Your child sees her dad 6 days per month and you can't cope with being with just his kids during that time. You definitely should not move in with this man and his children. It's ok not to want a blended family, it's not ok to marry a man knowing you feel trapped when his children are around and yours isn't.

You need to forget about a future with this man - he's part of a package. You either accept the package or move on.

If you have concerns, don’t do it. Your gut is talking to you.

And yes, absolutely you can be in a committed relationship and not live together.

Are you the poster who was trying for a baby with her partner, despite having days at a time when you don't speak to each other after an argument?

I'd say you can't 'maintain a healthy relationship' if you don't have one in the first place.

Having just read your previous threads I’d say WTAF are you thinking even still dating this abusive twat let alone considering moving in with him?

Please take off your rose tinted specs, they’re stopping you seeing the huge red flags that are in front of your eyes.

And ffs don’t have a child with this immature controlling prick. Put your child first and walk away.

How old are all of the kids? In a previous thread you say yours is 6 and his are both teenagers yet in your OP the ages have changed

If you feel anxious about living together, don't do it.

What is to gain for you and your dd in blending households?

It might be financially better, (but that really isn't certain as money is often a big issue between couples.)

Who would live with whom, and would it mean you would lose housing security?

Due to their ages, the older dc are unlikely to be playmates to your dd and the dynamics of having older step-siblings may not be great for her.

And generally the woman ends up picking up more of the parenting and housework so unless your partner is genuinely exceptional in that regard, you'll end up with a ton of extra work and responsibility.

Unless you're really excited and sure about it working well as a blended family, why on earth would you risk it?

These families will blend because that’s what the adults want
and it will be shite for the children
inevitable

It would drive you insane. Keep your own houses is my advice. Blended families simply do not work unless you have a child together otherwise its a case of them and us and its divisive.

@easier everuyhing ok? You keep making all the comments for me on my post! If you have advice, great, if not, go away! Yes i made previous posts and things have been going well for us. I haven’t given a timeline on when my thoughts of moving in may or may not happen! I am asking people who have experienced hesitation and what it’s like for them! From previous comments you have made on other posters, you come across as very hostile and just don’t like step mums, so naturally you coming for me is easier.

@Hedonism we were not actively trying, it was a thought process as we do not live together.

@category12 the excitement is fleeting hence my confusion! Thanks for your comment!

Absolutely don't live with him. It sounds like it really wouldn't suit you... don't lose the peace you and your DC have of your own home.