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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

End of road with small-minded in laws?!

3 replies

MysticMole · 02/11/2024 08:30

How do you divorce your in laws without actually divorcing your husband?! This would be my ideal right now. I am 45 and have been with my husband since university and married over 15 years with two children. His parents are such a toxic, selfish pair but they guilt trip him well. I wish I’d gone no contact years ago. Shall I just cease all contact or say that’s what I’m doing? I feel cheated as my family, though not perfect as no one is, has provided a lot of love and affection and generosity to us all. His just suck the will to live out of us! And give us hassle through their poor life choices. Our children are now getting old enough to realise how small minded, selfish and probably racist they are. That’s very sad. Time to say bye-bye? I don’t want to see them anymore or for my children to be exposed to their nonsense.

OP posts:
Haroldwilson · 02/11/2024 08:37

Hard to say without examples of what you mean. Hassle through poor life choices - you mean their finances, where they live, health etc? Do you mean they rely on you financially?

Equally, grandparents usually have iffy views one way or another, depends if small minded/racist is run of the mill generational stuff or actual mean spirited.

You can decide whether you see them, you shouldn't try to determine what relationship they have with your husband. And if your DC want to see them, let them. Just absent yourself.

elQuintoConyo · 02/11/2024 09:52

I don't see my in-laws, bar one SIL because she's ace! I don't prevent DH seeing his family, why would I? And he takes our dc to visit. DC want yo visit fewer times these days, as it's immensely boring and they don't really have much if a connection despite DH visits over the years (they're about 8km away). I'm polite if I bump into them, but we haven't invited them into our house since the Christmas black hole of 2012.

So, distance yourself, leave contact and visits up to your husband, he has responsibility for their relationship with their grandkids.

((Hugs)) for luck.

MysticMole · 02/11/2024 21:34

Thanks. I definitely wouldn’t seek to determine what relationship my husband has with them but for my own sanity I need out. And for your sanity I’ll spare you the full saga! ☺️

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