What’s the first thing I can do to fix this mess?

[Howcanifixthis]

I feel like mine and my DH’s relationship is in tatters. I love him so much and really don’t want to give up on the relationship.

He’s extremely stressed with work and has a long term health condition (stress related). We have 2 kids (a baby and a preschooler) and both normally work FT. No help nearby.

I want to be there for him to support him with both his health stuff and work stress but I just have nothing left in the tank. I’m exhausted from doing all night wakes with baby and majority of kid stuff. We don’t get a minute together.

My house is a state. DH also had ADHD so it’s really hard to keep on top of things with him and both kids. The house is also falling apart and have no money to fix it.

I’m overweight, knackered and not eating properly. I look like I’ve aged 20 years. I feel like I’m failing at being a mum, a wife, everything. I don’t enjoy anything at the moment and dread waking up each morning.

I need to get out of this rut. What’s one thing I can do to start?

Thank you for reading this far!

hats off to you, for working full time with 2 children under 4. Well done on that much alone. I had 2 children a year apart and worked part time and that was very busy.. I think you should give yourself a break and just try and enjoy a meal together after kids gone to bed or simple things like a shower together.. they will grow, it will get easier, you ll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh and sneak in little walks anywhere you can, and the slow cooker is a gift…

Have you told him this? That you love him so much and recognise that everything is really hard right now for you both?

What steps could you take to get dc sleeping through? Things are escalated with lack of sleep ime.

When our DC were small, DH was setting up a now very successful business but when I look back, I deeply regret tolerating his stress related behaviour and his neglect of the family/house/everything else going on. He opted out - and I enabled it. By the time our youngest was 4, I hit the wall and physically burned out - it came out as a viral infection that knocked me off my feet for nearly 6 weeks. I was physically and mentally exhausted. That was the point where I said enough was enough, and either he started to help out or fuck off as frankly it would be one less person to look after.

You say he's stressed and also has a stress related health condition - so the obvious conclusion is that something needs to change there, because neither of you are living - you're existing and unhappily. Can you find a quiet 10 minutes for a chat over the weekend and see where something can give?

Honestly, you sound knackered. Can you afford a cleaner? Even just to do downstairs every other week? Diet wise, batch cook and plan easy meals so that you eat better.
Once you take stress off you can think of how to help him.