Feeling lovebombed by toxic sibling

[lovingautumn]

Hi I have what I think is a toxic relationship with a sibling. If we disagree or if I have done something she doesn’t like, then she will ignore me for months at a time. If I question it she says she’s busy, but later (maybe months) she’ll admit she was giving me the cold shoulder. I’ve had counseling and have tried to address my side in this, but when I’ve suggested we address the issues together she refuses - says we have to accept who we are. Lately she has constantly been asking me to meet up. I’d prefer to be LC as I find it a difficult relationship to be in and navigate, but I’m having to constantly think of excuses. If I am upfront and tell her why I’d rather be LC, it will likely erupt into a full family drama and the rest of the family will say I’m being unreasonable (they have cut me off in the past when I there’s been a falling out with her). Any advice how to navigate this please?

What does she say about meeting up?

What is she suggesting you do?

Perhaps you could boil it down to its essence a bit. You want to go LC but feel unable to be upfront about why, so, to onlookers, it will seem tit for tat, her going LC with you then you swapping roles.

Perhaps you could say something like “I am finding this difficult, I feel my trust is broken by you going low contact with me and not being up front about why, I never know where I stand and find it hard to take your kindness at face value.”

Where's the "lovebombed" part?

If you'd rather keep it LC, which you have a right to, because she's toxic as you say, then you should. If she brings up meeting, tell her you're busy with one thing or the other with a vague "maybe another time" response.

Thanks ChirpyOliveScroller I tried that last year and explained how I feel wary in the relationship but it hasn’t improved and I can’t see there being a different outcome from having that conversation again

So what is she doing? You’ve asked for help to navigate the situation… we need to know more!

Do either of you have kids? Live close together or miles apart?

Yes, OP seems to have used words like 'lovebombed' and 'toxic' for effect or just because they're the current buzzwords but can't back up what they are, and now choosing to ignore those who asked.

I can't see anything as heavy as toxic or anything that says 'lovebombed' in her OP but can see her sister is quite difficult and unpredictable and it would mess with OP. So definitely go LC if someone is messing around with you in that way. You don't have to tell her why if it would cause you more problems and she isn't the type to receive such information without kicking off. Just be more unavailable to her every time.

If you do have more examples of her being toxic and any example of her lovebombing you, feel free to share but you don't have to if you don't want to. Goodluck with it all.

Then maybe you can say “Remember when we had that conversation about me not knowing where I stand, losing trust in you and finding it hard to take your kindness at face value last year? Since nothing has changed or been resolved, I still feel the same way and I am finding your recent efforts to spend time with me confusing and unnerving.”