Lost my friends now I’m a mum

[Hazel4]

When I was pregnant, my friends seemed genuinely excited for me. One friend in particular was messaging me constantly around my due date asking if LO had made an appearance yet.

Since having my baby, I feel like all my friendships have gone. Apart from an initial “congratulations” message, I’ve had very few interactions. I’ve messaged to say they are welcome to come round and meet baby but they don’t seem bothered. I understand that no one is more excited than me about my baby but I’m genuinely confused when my friends seemed so interested before. LO is now 13 weeks and none of my friends have met them.

I just feel so lonely since having a baby. Apart from having a daily walk, I feel like I just stare at the same four walls. I’ve signed up to some baby groups that start next week so hopefully that will help.

Has anyone else’s friendships suffered since having a baby?

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

Sorry to hear that your friends have not bothered to visit yet I was going to say it could be because they are giving you some time to adjust to life with a new baby, but I see you have told them they are welcome to pop round and they haven't. Maybe you can give them a specific date and ask if they are free to come over?

Having a baby can be quite isolating and friends who don't have babies, don't always get this. I hope you will build some new friendships in the new baby groups.

Having a baby can be isolating and I’m sorry your friends haven’t been to visit.

It’s great you’ve decided to join some baby groups, you will make some new friends there I’m sure.

I found that my friendship groups shifted and became more segregated post children. Your old friends will still be there, and in time as circumstances change, will come back into your life.

I understand it’s upsetting. Motherhood is amazing and it’s very early days for you, just don’t lose sight of who you are as a person. Your friends may be missing the person you were too.

Sorry to hear you're feeling isolated and a bit forgotten by your friends.

In my experience of being the first in a friend group to have a baby, it can be hard for people to know the right thing to do. New parent etiquette has changed over the years, particularly in British culture. My mum is from Eastern Europe, and culturally there when you have a baby, it's normal for close female relatives and friends to visit and pitch in and help, bring food, pop in and say hi, do you need anything, etc. But in modern British culture it seems that's considered rude, and the first few months are perceived as private time for the new parents and their baby. You see lots of posts here from new mums saying they resent visitors/find it too tiring, even family, and just want to be with their partner and baby, feel very strongly they don't want others touching or holding the baby, etc, worry about germs. Very different to my childhood, where there were always lots of "aunties" around and people popping in and out. It's possible they may not want to crowd you or impose, or don't know when is the "right" time to visit.

It's a good thing to connect with other new mums and it's great you've joined some groups. Keep reaching out to your friends too, they may need a bit of encouragement that it's okay to come see you, they won't be imposing. Or maybe suggest a coffee date, so you can have a change from the same four walls, let them know you might appreciate getting out.

Very normal… you’re at a different point in your life. Having a baby is very isolating especially the younger years. But it gets better… once your baby is old and slightly more independent then you’ll have more time for yourself.

I agree with baby groups.