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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Past relationships

8 replies

Ang1231 · 31/10/2024 18:02

Is there anyone who has told there present partn3r everything from there past how many one night stands etc

OP posts:
MissHalloween · 31/10/2024 18:06

My DH told each other our number, I think he made his to be similar to mine as we spoke about it years later and I said the number and he was like no way did I say that I only had a few girlfriends before you.

MarkingBad · 31/10/2024 18:13

Not me, it can cause issues as with some it really plays on their minds and it gets trotted out during arguments. So it's something that doesn't matter unless your 18 and want to brag/lie and I never ask them either.

GivingUpFinally · 31/10/2024 18:14

We did. We were both fairly young and had sti testing prior to sleeping with each other.

There was slight tension at first as I had more experience than him. Think it caused a slight feeling of inadequacy.

If I had another relationship... I probably wouldn't mention it at all, unless directly asked, and I wouldn't ask either.

I would however ask of they have an sti and to be tested prior to sleeping with them

Ang1231 · 31/10/2024 18:17

No I mean cos he kept asking and asking and then told him my whole past and just threw at me but he slept 47 woman in the past and I said nothing but I didn't ask he said obviously I told him I had 2 long term relationships one was 2 years other one 14 years and had couple of one night stands before I met him but wish never said now I've only slept with 10 people in my whole life

OP posts:
Cheeseandcrackers40 · 31/10/2024 18:21

My husband had slept with loads of people before he me (we were 21 and 23 when we met) and I had slept with a lot less... honestly its never bothered me. Weve been together 20 years now, it's only an issue if you make it one 🤷‍♀️

Crushed23 · 31/10/2024 18:25

I've never disclosed / asked for this information in a relationship

sammylady37 · 31/10/2024 19:06

No good ever comes from this, and a lot of harm comes from it. IMO, those who ask are those who are likely to have a problem with the answer and use it in arguments to shame their partner. I see anyone asking as a red flag, tbh, a warning they’re likely to be jealous, insecure and possessive.

Row23 · 31/10/2024 19:14

sammylady37 · 31/10/2024 19:06

No good ever comes from this, and a lot of harm comes from it. IMO, those who ask are those who are likely to have a problem with the answer and use it in arguments to shame their partner. I see anyone asking as a red flag, tbh, a warning they’re likely to be jealous, insecure and possessive.

I don’t totally disagree but also I don’t think it’s a red flag. My husband and I have always been very open about past flings / relationships and whatever and it’s been done in a healthy way. Like we’ve discussed what went wrong in past relationships and our parts to play in those etc.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sharing the information as long as you’re both emotionally mature enough to deal with it.
If you’re asking each other from a place of insecurity then yes, it will only cause problems. Especially if it keeps being brought up to use against the other person.

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