My wife of 4 years has deleted our wedding photos from her social media account and most of the pics of us together within the last year. There a couple of us from over a year ago left there. I have an account but seldom use it. Last night I happened to login and look on her profile to see the wedding photos. They weren't there.
The relationship seems to have lost its spark and we bicker a lot. She claimed to have done it after an argument last week. When I asked how she thought this must look to me and our mutual friends she said she didn't know. When I asked why do it: she replied with "I didn't like the way I looked", "Do you have trust issues?", "We were going through a hard time and I didn't think it would last". She got defensive and offered to show me her phone but I declined.
We have talked about splitting up multiple times but always decided to try to make things work. She doesn't seem to enjoy intimacy anymore and never initiates it.
I have suspected that her family may be against the relationship based on them seeming to avoiding me after I wouldn't go on holiday with them.
We have different personalities and interests. She is very materialistic and a spender where as I am more reserved and a saver. I have savings and she doesn't. We both earn the same and contribute the same to bills and mortgage.
I've always wanted a family and she seemed to want the same initially stating "after marriage", then years later "When we get a bigger house". Now I think that is impossible.
She says I don't give her enough positive affirmations beyond "you look nice" but I am finding that hard with the problems we are having. She says I criticise too much. For instance "why brush your teeth with the hot water tap?". She left the heated blanket on for 17 hours so I sent her a pic to notify her to avoid it happening again thinking it would come across as less critical than mentioning it. She reacted badly. This must sound pretty pedantic but it's just a couple of examples that cause offence and lead to bickering - I'm not that miserly about the money, it just seems wasteful and careless.
On my birthday I said I didn't want anything and that'd I'd say if I saw something I liked. The day came and she just gave me a card. No cake. I didn't need a present but I thought she might have celebrated slightly. I made so much effort baking and buying thoughtful gifts for her.
I am in no way perfect. I overthink, worry, work too much, and can be a little stubborn. But I believe that I am loving and fair.
I am left wondering what this means for us and if I should cut my loses rather than offer to pay for counselling etc. I've come home from work feeling sick and anxious. Not sure I can cope with the feelings. I stand to lose most of the savings I acquired for children and family life if we divorce which is disheartening but the pain I am feeling is much worse.
I've tried bargaining with myself about how I could request we remove all social media and make more time for each other but that seems so forced and inappropriate.
My head is just spinning. I don't know if she was actively trying to move on, was unfaithful or planning to be, or if it literally was due to the arguments.