New boyfriend, OW moving to same office

[Tvsmokey]

I have a newish boyfriend of 8 months. From the start he told me he had cheated on his ex with a woman he worked with, they slept together twice. I didn’t love hearing this at all but have gave him the benefit of the doubt, he does seem very remorseful of it and it was 8 years ago.
long story short the ‘OW’ is moving offices and will be working with him. They didn’t directly work together before.
I am so bothered by this.

I don't blame you OP.

There’s nothing I can even do
about it

Have you had a conversation with him about it OP? What does he have to say about it?

If it bothers you then you don't trust him (with good reason) and you should end it.

I get why you're worried tbh! Really hard, but I think you can only really wait it out and see, or decide that you can't be with someone you don't 100% trust?

Yeah you can. Dump him.

You don't trust him, so the foundations of the relationship aren't there.

You've only been with him a few months, throw this fish back.

I wouldn't put myself through this.

You may find yourself constantly worrying and suspicious. You don't want to live your life that way.

Get rid of him now and keep your dignity

He has form. You can do better.

You shouldn't have to do anything. He should change jobs our of respect for you.

If he isn't willing to do this, dump him.

Tbf you've only been going our 8 months so maybe its fair he picks his job over you.

But you don't have to hang around in that case.

Never beg for respect. It's given freely or it isn't. If it isn't, leave.

8 years ago....
If they wanted to end up together - what stopped him from contacting her when he divorced?
Why do you think she is still carrying a torch for him? Her life most likely has moved on.

In the end of the day - you need to talk to him about it. And see how it all feels.
Insecurity you are feeling now is somewhat understandable - but also is more about how you feel about relationships and yourself. If someone wanted to cheat - they don't need to wait for a return of long ago OW.
You decided to trust him to be in a relationship with you. He hasn't done anything to break that trust.

I did speak to him about it. He said he didn’t like the idea of her moving there either. But then I spoke again about how I don’t like the idea that he cheated before and her being there is uncomfortable to me as it’s not something I want reminded me and he said why are you bringing this up now and having a go at me. Didn’t think I was but was trying to explain how I felt. I’ve been cheated on before by my ex husband and so do have a general anxiety about that now

Given your experiences why on earth are you even with this guy?

He is already shutting you down. You are now not allowed to mention it because he will shut you down again.
I wouldn’t stay with a man who couldn't have a reasonable conversation.

For one thing I would assume they slept together more than twice. Nobody ever tells a new partner the full extent of an affair.

I just wouldn't trust someone who had done that and I wouldn't trust her either. She had the choice not to move there and he has the choice to leave. Neither of them are exercising those choices.

I would move on before I got really hurt.

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.

I also am not impressed at his response.

It's quite a tricky one to advise on definitively as it was a long time ago and he's been honest, so no, he shouldn't have to listen to this every day but it is part of the (unexpected) consequences of his actions so he would do well to have some understanding rather than dismiss you. You're quite new as a relationship. It's unfortunate that she has to pop up here of all places.

I think a good place to start would be to decide whether you can live with this and his response and what you would like to happen and whether that would be realistic to ask of an 8 month partner. If not, think seriously about cutting your losses with your past experiences. He doesn't sound the greatest tbh.

This ^^

I'd also worry that him telling you at the start was a way of getting his excuses in first - as in why complain when he does it again because "you knew what he was like"

Add that to the shutting down and, for me at least, it would be over

Once a cheater always a cheater

Red flags here, @Tvsmokey.

You were certainly not ‘having a go’ at him by expressing your discomfort about his working closely with his former Affair Partner. His getting defensive and shutting you down was a contemptuous move to make you back off. A loving partner would have responded with empathy and reassurance instead of belittling and causing you to feel even more unsettled. A partner concerned about your peace of mind would start looking for a new job.

I wouldn’t put myself through the anxiety and dread. Move on,m@Tvsmokey.

I can see it is painful for you, but it seems a red flag to me.