Are we too serious too soon?

[Silosmist]

In my mid 40s and never married. I've been dating a guy my age for 6 months now and it feels very serious. We refer to each other as partner and are making long term plans together. For example I'm travelling to Canada in a year for a wedding and have said my boyfriend will be coming with me and I've paid a deposit for accommodation for two. We have already accompanied each other to family events.

My was talking to my cousin about this and she has asked if I'm not getting too serious too soon. I felt quite annoyed at this as I feel its going so well and he's been so perfect up until this point and I don't want to jinx it.

However is it possible I am getting too invested too soon? I really want this to work, I was disappointed and humiliated by the end of a relationship of 18 months, a few years ago that I had been very invested in and I'd been so happy in ans I don't want that to happen again.

My now dh and I got matching tattoos 3 months in. We’ve been together over 20 years now. Sometimes you just know.

Gosh I met and married my DH within 8 months. 53 years later we are still happily married,. If you are happy that’s all that matters. Ignore your cousin

Without disrespect I think at your age and without already being married before, there is a tendency to move things on quickly

Although saying that, there is no 'correct' time. I met and moved in with my then partner within 4 months and we stayed together for 11 years and had kids.

My parents were engaged at 6 months and married within the year and still going strong 30 years later

You’re old enough to know what you want, and how you feel. If you feel serious about him, then you are serious about him, and vice Versa. It takes time to truly know someone, so only time will tell if this intital spark and sense of belonging, will go the distance. Not sure what your cousin expects you to do? Pull back a bit, play hot and cold, stop investing as much, stop seeing each other as much, stop making plans for the future, stop expressing deep feelings to each other? Firstly why would you do that when those things are what makes a relationship fail? Secondly why would you do that when you are going with what you both feel, and it’s working well? Ignore her. There are no guarantees in life, time tells the strength of a bond, but enjoy the relationship and keep investing and treating each other with the care and respect that you are, as that is what will make it last anyway.

I don't know, my cousin knows me well and knows what I went through with my ex, I think I felt similarly with him, perhaps more so only to have the rug pulled from under me at the end. I thunk she just wants me to be careful.

I've never had a longer term relationship, 2 years is the longest I've gone ans I've spent most of my life single.

It doesn't sound like anything you've done is particularly "serious". You're taking him as a +1 to a wedding. Worst case scenario and you split, you lose the accommodation deposit, or take someone else.

DH and I were engaged within 12 weeks of meeting and have a very happy marriage.

I don’t think this is too fast paced. Just enjoy it & try not to overthink.

I don't think six months is too soon at all. I met my husband just before my 18th birthday and we moved into our first flat together three months later. That was 59 years ago, and we're still together. If you've met the right person, you know very quickly.

Things go wrong in relationships, not sure what happened with your ex so I won’t comment, but if for example you get really into people and then go off them and dump them, fair enough, but if they let you down, that’s not something you can control or forsee. Love is a risk, either be single so you don’t take the risk of being hurt, or give it all you’ve got.

Dh and I decided we were a lifelong deal after 6 months of dating and we were early and late 20s at the time. It was just right and we knew it and we needed to start thinking ahead about future plans (we were from 2 different countries living in a 3rd, so immigration issues to plan for). That was 16 years ago and we are still very happy.

Have you already been on holiday before together?
Have you had to face a stressful or sad life event?
Witnessed each other in a crisis?
Met most of his family and friends by now?

I did little of the above before getting heavily involved in the past and lived to regret it.

At 6 months aren't you both still on your best behaviours and those adorable quirks haven't had time to get really bloody irritating yet 😁

Wishing you all the best though!

My DH and I had our first date on 12/27, got engaged 10 weeks later and married in early December of that year. 27 years later and 5 kids we are still here! An even better story - my brother met his wife during the first week of September. They moved in together that same weekend and married about 15 weeks later. They have now been married 52 years! As a previous poster said, sometimes you just know.